namikaze girl ! k. hatake

four.

attempting to convince myself that i was no longer surrounded by masked shinobi watching me fight with kakashi, i was barely able to catch my breath. another strong blow to my stomach came at a high speed, tossing me from the tree i stood in, before nearly landing on the ground.

"what are you doing?! are you insane?!" kakashi's voice had never sounded so desperate as he attempted to hold my arms down, pinning my wrists beside my head whilst his mismatched eyes widened on my own. "you understand that i would have had to kill you?!"

"get off of me!" i screamed, kicking my legs as kakashi's strong hands and legs kept me still, desperately attempting to scold me for my own actions.

"i can't help you like that, rei!" he shouted back, squeezing onto my arms to force me to listen and lay still beneath him.

"i don't need your help," i stated through gritted teeth, quite uncertain how he knew where i had my safe haven knife placed, though more so worried for his and my own life for the time being.

"i don't want to hurt you! don't you understand that?! are you listening to me at all?!" kakashi questioned through wet eyes as the rain grew heavier above us. it became obvious he was angry because, even with the option to leave, i hadn't. i put up a fight against danzo's pawns, forcing kakashi to act accordingly. kakashi's head fell as soon as my tears returned, thankfully camouflaged by the raindrops landing on my forehead. my body went still as kakashi's head fell beside mine, unsteady breaths running down my neck even through his mask; i could sense his crying had shown to be more difficult to contain as he pleaded for me.

i was forced to bite my lip, concealing a sob as kakashi cried against me, continuing to hold me down even after showing no signs of movement beneath him.

"kakashi," i attempted to soothe, though it only resulted in a crack of my voice whilst i squeezed my eyes shut, allowing the pain kakashi felt to transfer through to myself. my heart went heavy, wondering what kind of life kakashi and i could have if i wasn't so adamant and hardheaded. it was no secret, there were ties of emotions between us, even after years; i blamed myself more as i was the first to fall for him. i wasn't sure how to apologize to him, as i knew there was no plausible way to return the feelings anymore. everything changed me, and i had to face the consequences, unfortunately dragging kakashi into it along the way. no wonder kakashi didn't see the same girl he knew.

"i love you," his voice barely turned into a whisper, tears collecting into the mask covering the lips that spoke the words i had nearly forgotten to hear. my heart leaped then squeezed in pain, not allowing even a moment of bliss for myself.

my eyes burned again, feeling choked as all the air in my lungs left, feeling entirely frozen, but all the while warm from kakashi's tight, but loving grip.

i wanted to return the favor; prove to him that i do listen to him, and that i want so badly to feel the same attraction as he did, but i wouldn't allow myself. confessing to him would only hurt him more. i found comfort in the idea that kakashi would attempt to kill me, as it was better than causing him more pain that i had already. i felt it - his pain - and it was as strong as my own.

slightly turning my head, i planted a gentle kiss on his temple, not even wanting kakashi to register that it happened as it was for my own sake; my own conscience to remind me that i did love him. i truly do, and it hurts.

finally feeling his grip loosen on my wrists, i pushed him away, finding the quickest way to climb on top of him, catching even the sharingan off gaurd.

lifting my hand, i sobbed as i landed numerous punches to his face, hopefully blinding him from the obvious look of pain on my face as my tears landed against his chest. he didn't move; he just accepted the beating as blood began staining his mask and leaking from his forehead.