namikaze girl ! k. hatake

nineteen.

his silver hair gleamed in the faint light. i wasn't sure how early it was, but the sun was barely beginning to rise over the horizon. the slight chill of the window behind the bed made me guess it was only four thirty in the morning, but i was tired and half-delirious.

i wasn't sure what to say, so i kept silent as kakashi pulled his shirt over his head, covering the scarred torso. i didn't want him to leave so soon, however, i knew it wasn't the time, anymore. i felt an odd comfort in the bed, one i hadn't felt before. the pillow he laid his head on and the spot beside me remained warm, but empty.

when kakashi finally turned back to face me again, we locked our gaze for a prolonged period, his expression unreadable through the thin mask, headband already covering his eye again. he was leaving, and i felt as though it would take a while to actually sink in; when would i see him again?

without having to indulge myself too far into the mind of him, attempting to dissect his emotions, he leaned down, allowing me to feel his intoxicating warmth one more time.

his gentle graze against my arm sent chills down my spine as he placed a masked kiss onto my exposed shoulder. relief came over me for a moment, placing my hand onto the back of his neck, attempting to kiss him properly again. he obliged, pulling his mask down with two fingers, revealing just enough of his face to kiss me again. another gentle rub on my arm told me it was time to let go, to trust that i would see him again, and that it would be just as perfect.

"you'll be okay, right?" i asked, feeling as though i needed a definitive answer before letting him walk away. his warm fingertips brushed against my skin as he pulled the blanket up, covering my entire body with the reminiscence of his warmth.

"get your rest. . . you need it, after all," kakashi simply responded, a grin prominent behind his mask, momentarily closing his visible eye. "i'll be fine, and so will you."

i relished in his words, loving how they sounded from his lips. he was confident, perhaps to ease my mind, but maybe because he needed to see me again, too. i hoped for the latter, attempting to imagine how i would feel to see him again - albeit, maybe not in this way, but some way.

"i love you," i whispered, as if the morning breeze was listening. his fingers moved the hair from my face as his bored eye seemed lighter, more amused.

"i love you," he promised, easing the small voice in my head telling me how much better he deserved. i was selfish again, hoping he didn't hear that little voice, too. although my words of affection sounded like suicide, practically begging for something bad to happen, i needed the shinobi to hear it before he left, without the intoxicating high of sex masking over it.

he left, locking the door behind him. though a few thin walls segregated us, the pleasures and adoration seemed long gone. i tried passing these distant feelings off as yet another little voice in my head, resting into the comfort of my bed once more, trying to fall asleep for a few more hours.

***

my fingertips placed against one another, finding solace in the soothing method of meditation, atop the rather large mountain near the village i resided in. i attempted to live my life as it was - alone, finding peace with myself - but it was harder without kakashi, and naruto remained in the back of my mind like a parasite. i lost all my friends becoming rogue, most of them already prepared to kill me for the sake of konoha. the idea settled in my mind once more, feeling chakra enter my body with each beat of my loud heart. i had never felt more alone, trying to dismiss the lone tear streaming down my left cheek.

the diluted presence of another appeared on the rock beside me, feeling extremely alike itachi's chakra signature. i didn't have to listen, or open my eyes to know the past shinobi was here to, once more, haunt my thoughts.