namikaze girl ! k. hatake

twenty.

tears regrettably soaked my cheeks, each drop growing heavier as it fell to the ground between my feet. it was midnight, darkness looming around every corner, but i wasn't afraid.

"rei?" mother's voice forced my head up, swiftly wiping the tears with my sleeve as i sniffled once more, preparing to explain why i was out so late - why i snuck out.

"mom," i simply breathed, half surprised to catch her out, too. she sat on the bench beside me, her swollen belly prominent as her gentle hands grabbed my shoulders.

"what's wrong, sweetie? you're crying. . ." her voice was full of pity, fearful she couldn't do anything to soothe this pain. she knew it, and so did i. perhaps she was hoping for any other reason behind my tears, but nothing haunted me as deeply.

"it's him, again," i whispered, nearly feeling his touch replace kushina's hand, comforting me as i continued to mourn his early death. i had nightmares, dreams and often reminisced on the memories of obito uchiha; although my favorite rival, and though he was more concerned with kakashi's growth, i considered the shinobi - a victim of war - to be my best confidant and friend. it was the hardest pill to swallow, his passing. the truth remained hard to digest. his laughter haunted the remains of his legacy, cursing me that i would have never been able to protect him, rin, kakashi, minato, kushina. . . i would be damned to a life of loss, simply because i wasn't strong enough to protect them, the people i loved.

"rei. . . i'm sorry you've had to go through this, so young," she had a look of disappointment in herself, pulling my head closer to rest on her shoulder, her free hand gently resting on her pregnant stomach. what would i, when my sibling was born? would i face the same weakness, unable to keep them safe?

"what kind of shinobi am i - if i can't even keep them safe?" i asked, once more reminding myself of the team seven minato led. most days i wondered how he was able to stay cool, calm and collected, knowing two of his beloved students were gone. "i can't even keep my friends safe."

"i know it won't heal the past. . ." she whispered, wiping the tears from my cheek, herself. "but, let your brother be your second chance at keeping the people you love safe."

it didn't cure the heartache. obito's smile flashed through my mind, torturing me as i would never see it for myself again. doubtful, it only pained me even more to know that the day would come that i wasn't able to save naruto, just like obito and rin.

"you will keep him safe," kushina stressed, silencing my thoughts of self-doubt. smothered by guilt, i attempted to visualize a sibling once more, trying to soothe the pain that of what could have been. "i know you will."

i was, mom. . . i was trying to, at least.

another tear soaked the concrete between my feet, curled into my own body for a sense of warmth, for comfort. a world so devoid of life that not even itachi could accompany me. my brain and body turned to mush, uncertain if i had what it took to continue life this way; empty of emotion, chasing after the impossible. there came a point that i needed to consider my own being - obito - alive. the bane of my existence as a kid, the infatuation for him still burning like the sun, deep inside. the boy that haunted my mind for years returned to kill my own brother; it was tragic, knowing i would be forced to choose between one or the other.

"i know it's hard, rei," his voice, though i was certain he was purposely doing it, resembled what i had remembered exactly. the child-like shinobi, the fearful, uncertain, and above all, empathetic undertone made my spine shiver. his hands were gentle, now, as he knew very well that i had no means of escape, placing his palms onto my shoulders. i wanted to kill the masked man just a few days prior, what was the difference, now? did i still love obito? was i holding onto a memory i should have let go a long time ago? "i'm sorry."

"naruto. . . this war, it's for him, isn't it?" my eyes closed, feeling obito's gaze on the side of my face. obito had warned me of what was to come, and i couldn't believe i was actually considering him to be obito. the obito i knew died, long ago. i knew because kakashi couldn't wash rin's blood from his hands. i knew because the mere idea of him haunted me, bringing me to an absolute halt every time i pictured his excitement when i challenged him. i cheered for his aspirations of becoming hokage, proudly claiming i was next in line for the position. years passed, and i would have laid my life down for the boy. why did i still feel that obligation?

"the war is for peace," he started, "for infinite peace. . . somewhere that naruto accepts you from the start. . . somewhere that kakashi is, and rin. it's where i become hokage, and you my advisor."

"is that still your dream?" i cautiously asked, biting down on my lip as naruto, too, had that dream. many children aspired for it, though only one would capture it.

obito didn't respond, instead leaving without another word. i was running out of reasons to believe him, to want to love him - but i couldn't let him go. i began to wonder if i had only hurt kakashi more, using him as a substitute for love instead of my long lost friend, obito.

"i will keep you safe, rei. . . you won't have to face the pain i have. i promise," obito's voice echoed in my mind, though i never, truly heard the words come from his mouth. wherever i was, i knew it was somehow connected to his sharingan, and he seemed to speak to me, telepathically, in here.