namikaze girl ! k. hatake

thirteen.

my eyes couldn't close, each time seeing a worse image. i didn't care to know what would be at the end of this hell as i laid awake - wide awake - listening to the rhythmic pattern of the wind brushing against the window. jiraiya was dead; i didn't need proof to know by now. it was a simple feeling that started in my gut, quickly swelling ever since i left him in the village hidden in the rain. when i left konoha and he had yet to return, i tried not to breakdown in front of kakashi, allowing him and everyone else to hold onto hope a little longer than i had.

my stomach tied into knots, rethinking what kakashi was saying before i left again. i had promised something i was beginning to believe i couldn't possibly deliver. i wanted kakashi, too, but pain was quickly becoming one of my worst nightmares. pain had assured he would personally take the nine-tails, and i would be stupid to think he wasn't going to take action sooner than later, especially after my betrayal towards him for jiraiya's sake. i attempted to rack my brain around how little time i would have left before i would be forced to return home again, and once more face the rinnegan. pain knew my name, though i wasn't sure how much else he knew about me; what i was capable of. anyone strong enough to kill jiraiya would certainly be konoha's maker; i feared that in order to beat him, the price to pay from it may not amount to the damage he can cause. without naruto, i was nothing. without kakashi, i was nothing. without jiraiya, i am nothing, and without itachi, too. i had spent my life attempting to surpass minato, but i always knew it was a far reach; in this situation, minato would know exactly what to do. he would know how to protect kakashi, naruto, konoha and me all while dealing with pain. me - i couldn't even begin to devise a plan.

i couldn't sleep at all, and if pain was so powerful, i was certain he would wait until morning to attack, likely to test his abilities on the fact that almost every ninja would be trying to take him on at once. the sand village was too far away; getting there would take days, if not weeks for civilians. my stomach turned and my teeth chattered, wondering what would happen to the innocent lives destined to be ruined and taken by someone like pain. was I destined the same? would kakashi survive? i couldn't help but wonder where naruto could be now - i hated to think that he already found out about jiraiya. what if i was wrong?

"do you blame yourself?" itachi's voice was eerily close, though i knew better than to panic this time. i exhaled, practically feeling the red-eyed shinobi staring at how pathetic i looked right now. the room was dark, too dark to see a thing around me. still, the feeling of his presence felt like a weight on my chest, forcing me to take deep breaths. my silence was enough of an answer for him, and i didn't think i could have this conversation with anybody living, i hardly wanted itachi here. a part of me wanted to despise itachi for dragging me deeper into this mess, but it was hard to stay angry with the dead. "how many is it, now?"

"sixteen."

before i could even question how swiftly the number came to mind after such a seemingly simple question, i felt as though itachi knew my every thought by now, as the ghost of him had little issue stalking my life. there was fourteen, until itachi passed. he was fifteen - even if i had no direct involvement with his death, jiraiya was certainly my own selfishness; wanting nothing more than the old man to forgive me, i left him alone with pain.

"pain will be coming to konoha," he reminded, forcing my eyes to squeeze shut in a wince. even as a ghost, his voice sounded hopeful, as if he was begging me to return home; i had planned on doing so. "you know what he wants, right?"

"yeah," i breathed, images of naruto over the years flashing through my mind in an instant. it wasn't sorrow that i felt, more like a longing feeling; i just wanted him to know me - the real me - not as the rogue older sister.

sitting up in complete darkness, my exhausted limbs moved my body against my own will. even as i moved through the dark room, i continued to feel itachi's presence nearly hover over me, stopping just as i did before kneeling down, ripping at the soft carpet as the only light being provided was that from the moon, itself. pulling at the wood beneath the carpet, i felt itachi follow me below the floorboards, reaching upwards for the lightbulb above me. gently twisting, the room illuminated entirely. no sign of itachi was near, but i still felt him, and the black duffle bag i had packed years ago sat in a pile of dust. eagerly unzipping the lone bag in the extremely tiny crawl space, i quickly retrieved what i needed; more kunai straight from minato, himself; a kitana that stretched the length of my arm and it's holster; paper bombs hidden in the pockets, as i was a paranoid teenager, living on my own for the first time. they were weapons - more like remnants from my past - i hadn't touched them in years. i wasn't going to die, or worse, let naruto or kakashi die, without depleting all of my resources. any weapon i used to have a gift with in my training years was coming with me, strapped to my back and sides.