men for sale!!!

stupid fucking stede bonnet

izzy has never been happier before. his old 'friend' blackbeard is back, stede is gone, and he is no longer tempted by lucius' haunting remarks. life is good. in about two days, the revenge is set to land in staten island, and there is where izzy will confess his feelings to ed.

a fortnight ago, the crew ran into calico jack, who miraculously survived the cannonball that flew into his skull at 120mph. blackbeard insisted they haul him aboard and make him chef, so now the gang is all back together. ed, izzy, and jack. the three amigos.

-2 days later-

the staten island breeze whips across izzy's face. he smoothes back his hair and prepares the flowers he had forced frenchie to pick for him days before. it was finally time to begin his new life as blackbeard's co-captain.

nervously, he stuck out a hand and gently tapped ed's shoulder. "uh, excuse me boss, but there's something i've been meaning to discuss with you..."

"not now, izzy. i'm dealing with something."

"boss, i doubt its as important as this-"

"shut up," ed slapped his hand across izzy's face (he secretly enjoyed it), "do you see that? out there in the distance? it appears to be a flying woman carrying a dinghy full of malnourished pirates!"

"that can't be true boss...have you been drinking this morning?"

"I KNOW WHAT I FUCKING SEE IZZY!" he spat. "now would you stop being such a know it all prick for seven seconds and just look with your bloody eyes!"

"well i suppose it could be- OH!"

the woman flew over the ship and dropped the dinghy smack on the deck, and every abandoned member of the revenge came tumbling out, with none other than stede bonnet on top.

"hi all! its nice to be back home!"

ed was starstruck. he couldn't believe his eyes. "st-stede?"

"ed! wonderful to see you again! would you mind meeting me in my quarters in 5 minutes, i have some business to attend to quickly."

ed gulped and ran back into his quarters, still not believing his eyes. the hovering woman sat disgusted on-top of a barrel, staring daggers into izzy's soul.

"now, payment for the lovely nadja who flew us all the way here from staten island. take your pick of men, nadja!"

izzy finally tore his eyes away from nadja, and asked stede, "what the fuck are you doing here, pretty boy? i thought i told you that you weren't wanted aboard the revenge anymore!"

nadja arose and waved an arm at stede, signaling that she would handle him. "i'll take this little treat as my first prize, but he isn't much so ill also take the drunken one over there."

"which one?" stede wondered. half the crew was drunken.

"the one with the squirrel on his upper lip!"

"calico jack? you can gladly have him. he might not be much though, as he had his skull smacked in just before i left."

"that will be all, thank you stede. please, come visit us anytime. i'm dying to talk to someone other than nandor and my dumbass husband."

izzy regained his voice, and shouted out, "what the fuck are you planning to do with me and my friend here? you can't just HAVE us as payment!"

"need i remind you that you are aboard my ship, and i may do as i please with my men?" stede glared as he spoke, "if you have a problem, you may take it up with ed."

nadja laughed and cradled izzy's cheek in her hand, "iggy, i'm going to take you and caramel jack over there back to my home, and i'm going to lock you in a cage like a birdy. now come on, we haven't much dark left and i do not need you to see me all crispy."

nadja then bound jack and izzy together and flew them off into the distance as izzy screamed, "STUPID FUCKING STEDE BONNETTTTTT!"