men for sale!!!

fucking guy

nadja tossed the two, now passed out, pirates on the floor of a rather large cave, next to a slightly smaller glass box containing an english gentleman.

"nadja, my love, when are you going to free me from my sorrows and allow me to kiss you again?" the prisoner asked.

"when you agree to stop killing gregor! seriously, just because you're immortal doesn't mean you can go around killing everyone you like!"

"very well then, i shall stay in my glass hell forever. who are the cowboys?" he asked, gesturing toward izzy and jack.

nadja made a slightly surprised expression at the mention of her prizes, as she had already forgotten they were there. "oh, you mean the pirates! that gentleman pirate, steve or whatever, gifted them to me after i returned him to his vessel. i plan to torture them for a bit, and then drink them in a week or so."

the other vampire chuckled, "why was bonnet so eager to give them up? they look like good fighters."

"god, why are we still talking about this, laszlo! steve said that the smaller one bullied him off the ship, and the one with the squirrel upon his upper lip was trying to bang his boyfriend."

laszlo's expression suddenly turned dark upon hearing about the boyfriend. "oh no nadja, you mustn't drink their blood. the soul of a homewrecker is the most dirty and convoluted of them all. it'll give you the brain scramblies, and you'll end up an energy vampire!"

"oh no! i cannot become one of those boring, daywalking, old shits! what should i do to dispose of them now?"

laszlo sat down on the clear floor, attempting to think of a plan suitable for his lady wife. after seventeen minutes and twelve seconds, he had it. "you must rent them out. have others pay you for their work, and maybe it'll teach them to not force themselves into other pirates' personal relations!"

"yes, yes, that might work," nadja agreed. "what jobs shall we have them do?"

after that, laszlo and nadja spent the next fourteen hours and twenty three minutes configuring the perfect list of jobs for the scum in the box. it read this:

-work as a familiar for up to one month... $31.25
-read books aloud to illiterate vampires... $5.25
-collect ancestral soil for displaced vampires... $12
-collect virgins (50)... $8.50
-assist in burying bodies...$5.50

when the two were finished with the ad, they excitedly awoke their guests and told them the plan. jack seemed too hungover to respond, but izzy was wide awake.

"what the fuck is wrong with you twats? do you know who i am? blackbeard will have your heads you good for nothing lumps of flesh!"

the vampires simply chuckled and fed him one of his own toes to shut him up.