The Runt of the Litter

Exactly Like Being Alone

Note: Hey babes <3 Thanks for the love!

This chapter is another of those requested by @gkjnrtg, who wanted to see Anna's reactions to the boys' earlier deaths in the series. So this one is about 3.16 No Rest for the Wicked. SPOILER ALERT for that episode.

Also @naghoster, there's some Bobby in here for you <3

Anna is nine years old here.

Exactly Like Being Alone

Dean was going to die tonight.

Anna lay in her brother's lap, staring at his sleeping face. He had his eyes closed, lashes spread against the skin of his face, and he was breathing deeply and slowly. He looked at peace, and it made Anna want to cry. She knew where he was going tonight. He would never be at peace ever again.

But Dean deserved peace. Dean deserved the best.

She was surprised when he started to frown in his sleep.

"Dean?" she asked softly from his shoulder. "It's okay," she murmured and reached up with one small hand to touch the side of his face. "It's okay, Dean."

Dean startled awake, nearly throwing Anna off of his lap as he sat straight up in his chair. His breathing was heavy and fast now, nothing like it had been just a minute ago. That was that. Dean's last taste of peace was gone. Anna looked shyly down at her hands. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "If I was bigger, I would've saved you."

"Hey," Dean said gently, his eyes still hazy from panic and sleep. He touched the bottom of her chin, and Anna took the hint and looked him in the eyes. "You got nothin' to be sorry for. Anyway, we still got some time, Rugrat. I ain't dead yet."

"But Ellen is coming," Anna said, and her chin began to wobble. "I won't see you anymore." Her eyes welled. "Dean, please don't go," she requested pitifully. "I'll do anything, just don't go to Hell."

Dean had to clear his throat, making a suspiciously wet sound as he blinked at the ceiling before looking at his sister again. "Anna, I don't have a choice," he explained softly. "You know that. And you know why you gotta go with Ellen. This whole thing is too dangerous for you to be anywhere near it."

"I can't go," Anna whispered. "What if I never get to see you again?"

With that she started to cry. She tried to muffle her tears for Dean's sake. He was dying already. He didn't need her piling up her sadness on top of his own.

But the idea of Dean vanishing from her life was unfathomably painful. How could he be here today and gone tomorrow? Just like that. Anna was unable to even imagine her life without her oldest brother. He was her role model, her teacher, her best friend, and her parent all rolled into one fun-loving, gentle guy.

He was her hero. And heroes don't die. They can't.

"I'm sorry, Anna," Dean said, his eyes damp but cool. "But you have to go with Ellen. I will fight to the last second, I swear," he promised. "I will do everything I can to come back to you. And if I can't..."

Anna's wet face crumpled a second time at those words. "You have to."

"If I can't," Dean said again, "then Sam and Uncle Bobby are gonna take care of you, alright? Just like we talked about."

"Sometimes when I stay with Uncle Bobby, I miss you so much it hurts in my stomach," Anna said, staring at her hands in her lap. "But you always come back," she said tearfully. "What am I s'posed to do when it hurts like that and you can't come back?"