The Runt of the Litter

From Maine to Kansas

Note: hey babes <3 thanks so much for commenting and voting and reading and all that good stuff. y'all deserve the best this world has to offer

anna is twenty-three here

From Maine to Kansas

"Hey," Anna said softly into the receiver, holding her lit cigarette against the ground to watch the smoke fizzle outward. "Sorry, I guess you're at work since, you know, you do that now."

She sighed at her own awkward introduction and brought the cigarette up toward her face to look at the dead end of it. She'd spent too much money on her latest pack of the stupid things just to burn this one out without taking a single puff.

"Uh, anyway, I was just calling to see if maybe you're not busy this weekend, I-" She sighed again. "I guess, I wanted to come over. Not 'cause I miss you or anything," she snarked and smiled cutely to nobody. "Obviously not that. I mean, just 'cause I found this thing for DJ, and..." She shook her head at herself. "It's cute, okay?" she defended.

She dropped the cooling cig to the ground and stepped on it. A few months ago, she'd have been pissed to see a perfectly good cigarette in the dirt like that. Hell she might have even picked it up and relit the thing just for a little more nicotine. But lately, she felt guilty even touching them.

"I, uh, I promise not to smoke around the house. I'm trying to quit completely. But I mean, not even outside, okay? I won't-" She tried to quell the anxiety in her chest. It was so much harder not to live in a constant state of panic when she didn't have nicotine or alcohol clouding her mind 24/7. "Um, yeah, so, call me back, I guess."

She kicked at the dusty concrete in front of her, hearing a bell jingle softly overhead as someone walked out of the mini mart behind her.

"I-" Goddammit, this hadn't been so hard a couple years ago. Anna inhaled and then coughed. A smoker's cough, the one Sam was always fussing about. "Sorry," she said, clearing her throat. "I- I love you," she finally managed and quickly hung up the phone.

She stared at the call ended screen for a long minute. She felt like such a stunted excuse for a human being sometimes. Most of all when she tried to speak to her brother. He was so grown up, now. He fit in with the rest of the world in a way that she knew he'd never expected of himself. It made her ache with a combination of pride and envy.

Anna sat with her elbows on her knees, one hand holding her chin and the other clutching the nearly-empty pack of cigarettes in her jacket pocket. She stared at the license plate on the front of her car, knowing she should get behind the wheel and go. Instead, she sat right there on the curb, jeans dusty and not warm enough for the weather, until her phone rang nearly an hour later.

"Hey," she said delicately as soon as the phone reached her ear.

"Hey, kiddo."

Anna swallowed at the pressure that nickname always brought with it. "What's up?" she asked hopefully.

"I got your voicemail," Sam replied easily. "You know, you really don't have to ask to come over, Anna. I keep telling you, you're welcome anytime."

"I guess," Anna murmured. "It's just, you know..."

"I really don't," Sam told her. "When do you think you'll be here?"

She bit off her own smile, pulling her sweater sleeves over her hands while sandwiching her phone between her ear and shoulder. "Uh, I don't know," she answered. "I don't really have a hunt right now. And Alex took off a few days ago. I guess Friday."

"Could come sooner," Sam offered gently. There was a strange note in his voice. Something like hope, but it sounded almost sad at the same time.

Anna was his personal tragedy now, or so it seemed a lot of the time. It pissed her off, but mostly because she felt so damn guilty. "Maybe," she said, noncommittal. "I'm in Maine," she added as an afterthought.

"What're you doing in Maine?"

"There was a vamp," Anna explained with no real interest. "I thought it was gonna be a whole nest. Got Alex to come with me. Turns out this kid was freshly turned. We tried the cure, but he had already fed."

"So...?" Sam asked, and Anna could practically hear the guy holding his breath.

"I couldn't waste him," Anna admitted softly, feeling every bit the failure she was. "I connected him to Garth. I figured maybe... I mean, if anybody knows how to live with an existential fucking curse."

"That's great, Ladybug. I mean it, I'm proud of you. It's a hard call to make, and you made the right one."

Anna nodded, swallowing down the urge to cry. She hadn't realized how badly she'd needed the validation until it was given to her. "Thanks," she mumbled, suddenly embarrassed. "Um, anyway, Alex was pissed. I don't think she wanted to kill the kid, you know, but she just... I don't know. She was mad."

"She okay?"

"Yeah," Anna said hurriedly. "I mean, no but– but yeah, you know?"

"Okay," Sam murmured. "You should come sooner," he suggested, voice stronger this time. "DJ's on solid food now. Get here by Thursday night, you can introduce him to applesauce."

Anna chuckled, surprised at the sudden dampness of her eyes. "Deal," she laughed. "Man, if you'd have told me as a teenager that I'd be excited to feed a baby applesauce one day, I'd have never believed you."

Sam's laugh was heartwarming. "Hey, if I'd had a baby back then, you'd have been head over heels just like you are now, and you know it."

"Yeah, well, if you'd had a baby back then, I'd have probably taught him a lot of bad words by now." But I'd still have been a better aunt, she didn't say.

"Glad you have better judgment now," Sam said, a well disguised warning.

Anna laughed again. "I'll be there by Thursday," she promised.

"Good," Sam replied. "And Anna?"

She was quiet, simply waiting for him to continue.

There was a real, peaceful joy in his voice when he said, "I'm proud of you. For quitting the tobacco and everything. I know it's not easy, and I've given you a hard time about it, but seriously– I'm proud of you."

Anna bit her lip, fighting tears again. "Whatever," she said, failing miserably at hiding how much the words meant to her. "Just sick of you chewing me out is all." She felt bad for being so cavalier, though, and added a second later, "Thanks, Sammy."

Sam's smile was audible, "Whatever."

La Fin