The Runt of the Litter

Pain Is Pain Is Pain

Note: Hey, hey, hey! I'm posting at a reasonable time! I hope, honestly, that all of you are having an incredible holiday season! I know I didn't do a Christmas chapter this year, but I intend to keep this story going for a long time, so I imagine I'll find the time to write one next year 😉

In the meantime, this chapter is a request from the lovely SydneyHodder who requested a hunt with Crowley (unbeknownst to the boys, of course) after reading the Rowena chapter. I must confess, I strayed from my original plans and it turned out to be less of a hunt with Crowley and more of just a chapter with Crowley in it. There's also a bit of a Jody cameo. I hope you're cool with all that!

I set this right after Shards (of us), which is the chapter covering the immediate aftermath of the death of Chloe (Anna's mother). That means this chapter is a bit sad, but Crowley's in it, so there's also a lot of bickering.

And, of course, thank you so much to all of you for reading, voting, and commenting! Your kind words always put a smile on my face, and you all were so sweet last week! ❤️

In this chapter, Anna is fifteen.

Pain Is Pain Is Pain

The guilt was still a constant in her life. It throbbed behind her eyes and in her chest like a migraine or a broken rib. It reminded her, day in and day out, that she was not the normal, innocent high school kid that Kate was best friends with and her teachers expressed concern about. She felt like a fraud in her own life, more so than she ever had before.

Nobody knew what had happened a few weeks ago except her family. She'd explained to Kate in very vague detail, but she hadn't been able to explain how it all rested on her shoulders. She was trying not to believe that it was her fault anymore, and part of that meant refusing to say that it was. Sam and Dean had each tried to convince her that she didn't deserve to carry any guilt over her mother's passing, but it was difficult. Anna still felt like she'd been the catalyst for everything. The guilt was still a constant in her life.

Just a few nights ago, she'd had her big cry. She'd hung onto Dean for hours, and eventually she'd fallen asleep. She'd woken the next morning with both boys wrapped around her and a blanket covering the three of them. She figured Sam must have walked out and been concerned about them getting cold. She'd felt both loved and guilty, and she'd cried a little more, doing her best not to wake them up.

They'd finally caved and taken a hunt yesterday, but only because it was just twenty minutes from the bunker and they could be home tonight and tomorrow night and every night for as long as the case lasted.

For that very reason, Anna knew that what she was about to do was very risky. She knew that, and the more she thought about it, the more she wondered if she was trying, subconsciously, to get herself caught. But the boys weren't technically supposed to be home until tonight, and if something happened to keep them in Dispatch overnight, they wouldn't be home for even longer.

She wasn't even sure whether she was hoping they would stay longer, or be home sooner. She wasn't even sure whether she wanted to get away with this, or get caught. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to do this, or call Sam and start crying over nothing. She wasn't sure of anything, and that was exactly the way she'd felt when she pulled the dumbest move of her life and risked everything to go meet Chloe, the move that had wrecked everything.

The thought scared her, but not as much as the thought of feeling this way for the rest of her life did. She couldn't keep the guilt. And as far as she could see, there was only one way to alleviate it. She had to get revenge and take down the one that was truly responsible for everything. Abaddon. But to get to Abaddon, she needed help, and there was no way in hell that Sam or Dean would bring her anywhere near their red-headed enemy even if they knew where to look.