The Runt of the Litter

Epiphany

Note: hey my lovelies

i was listening to "thick skull" by paramore on repeat as i wrote this, so ig i should say it takes some inspiration from the song, if only in its rhythm.

this chapter was requested by winchester_19 and is set after "in your eyes, i see myself"

TW for drug use/abuse and dissociation

anna is eighteen

Epiphany

It was chilly, Kate was at college, and Anna was keyed up.

She'd been dreading the day her best friend moved away all Summer. Early October now, and she was about to turn nineteen. Alone. It made her stomach ache, thinking about last year. She'd had the best birthday of her life, and she'd known even then that it would go down in history that way. She would never have another birthday that could even compare.

But this was... well, it was more of a 180 than she'd expected.

Anna closed her eyes and let her head rest against the brick of the building behind her.

The boys were miserable as it had only been a couple weeks since Mary's departure. They were trying to reconnect with her, but it seemed like they'd been pretty unsuccessful so far.

Kate was in New York, Ethan in North Carolina, and Alex somewhere in California. Two studying and one hunting all by herself. Anna missed them so much it hurt. She never thought she'd taken them for granted, but it seemed like maybe she had after all.

The bottle in her hoodie pocket felt heavier all of a sudden. She reached in and held onto it but didn't pull it out. Dean would be ruthless if he knew what she was doing. But Anna didn't particularly care. That was the beauty of being depressed– you didn't feel anything all the way, and that included fear and guilt; two of Anna's oldest enemies.

Her fingers were stiff with the chilly Autumn air as she flicked her eyes to each side. Nobody was around to see her. She and Kate were the only ones who spent any time in this alley as far as she knew. So, she wasn't surprised she'd managed to be alone for the better part of an hour.

She pushed down on the cap and twisted, listening to its quiet surrendering pop. The pills inside were small, but the dose was mid-range for this particular drug. Anna half-smiled as she slid one onto her tongue.

Day five of popping Xanax behind her family's backs, and she probably could have been doing it legally the whole damn time. She had an anxiety diagnosis. She had regular panic attacks and other symptoms of PTSD. Hell, Ramone had offered to prescribe her a benzo almost two years ago.

Difference was, she'd been under eighteen then. The boys had taken one look at the high risk for addiction in adolescents and given Ramone a firm 'no.'

Anna's smile faded. It wasn't an addiction yet, but she wasn't stupid. She knew she had to stop sooner than later. Figured she might as well finish this bottle, though. It was a fourteen day supply, and she'd paid a hefty fee for it.

It took a good half hour to take effect. Anna's eyes grew heavy, her heart rate slowed down, and she started to feel so much more relaxed. It was crazy how such a small pill could kill such big feelings. Her stomach untwisted, and her jaw unclenched. Her phone buzzed.

Time to go home.

()()()

It was surprisingly difficult to concentrate. She felt lighter in some ways, heavier in others. Her eyelids wouldn't cooperate when she tried to look more alert, for example, but she felt no regret even when Sam gave her a concerned look over his laptop screen.