Slow burn PART 2

Chapter 3

         Since the church experiment didn't work in resolving this guilt I feel, or the thoughts that plague me about the night of Sven's revenge, I started looking for other coping mechanisms. I've shown a brave face in my day to day life because I don't want people knowing anything is wrong. 

The only people who know what happened that night are the Revello's. Everyone else just thinks I'm still sweet ol' Kat. And I want to be her. I want to get back to that girl but I feel like a fraud. Like an imposter of myself. 

        I looked online for healthy coping methods and on one website they talked about writing it all down on a piece of paper, and then lighting that piece of paper on fire and watching the burden blow to smoke. 

I took out my notebook and decided to try it. I started writing down my memories of the night itself and the things that cross a person's mind right before they think they are going to die.

I wrote about what Sven looked like, things I knew about him, and described the dreams I've been having where he occupies the majority of it. I just started writing and couldn't stop. I didn't realize how much I was bottling up inside until I started to see droplets wetting the page as I turned for another one. 

Silent tears and the scratching of my rapid pen.

        When I said all I could say about Sven Van Dijk, my hurting heart, and my guilty consciousness, I brought the pages to the sink and lit the tips on fire. Using this long neck lighter I have for my scented candles in the living room. 

I watched the white page catch on the flame and start curling in on itself. The orange turned brown then black so quickly as the words started to distort before being destroyed. They crumbled until most of the charred remains were just gunk on my sink that needed to be rinsed.

I flinched when a sudden alarm started going off and cursed myself when I realized I set off the fire detector just above my apartment door. I grabbed a rag and started waving the smoke away so the battery operated detector could shut itself off. 

I wanted to curse myself even more when I also started hearing knocking while I was jumping up trying to get anywhere near enough to my ceiling to wave the lingering smoke away.

        "Kat? Everything okay?!" I heard Grace's voice on the other side of my front door and wanted to face palm. I knew she was coming to pick me up. We had made plans for the day, but I guess I lost track of time when I started writing. It was later than I thought it was. 

"Fine!" I shouted while trying for the handle. When she walked in she saw me waving the detector that just clicked off. Still I wanted to be sure all the smoke was gone completely before I triggered the alarm again. 

"What's going on?" Grace chuckled at my frazzled state. "Oh, something got a little smoky. I should have opened a window" I played it off casually. 

She offered to crack a window for me and started for the living room, which gave me time to go to my kitchen sink and rinse the evidence away. There...am I supposed to be cleansed? Feel better? That was anticlimactic.

        "I was going to just text you to come down but I actually was hoping to use your restroom" Grace explained why she'd come up. "Please, help yourself" I motioned for her to go ahead. Grace has friends coming from New York to start dress shopping for the wedding. I was surprised and honored that she wanted me there with all of them. 

I don't know a soul, but I'm friendly and willing to make conversation.

        Even in 'casual' wear Grace somehow always looks more elegant than cozy. She was in an easy summer dress so she could change clothes without too much of a fuss, but she also wore beaded sandals, a silver tiffany chain necklace and matching bracelet set. Her hair was down in a straightened style, so I didn't see her earrings, but she probably has lavish ones too.