Slow burn PART 2

Chapter 52 (Renzo's POV)

         I'm wound up so tight I think I'll snap soon if I don't do something about it. This goddamn elopement idea happened at the worst fucking time. A time where I'm trying to stay away from Kat. The video confession I have on my phone weighs so heavily in my pocket, but I'm so angry with Kat and Dante that I didn't even want to give it to her. 

She wants a break from me. She doesn't trust me. She wouldn't even give me the chance to defend myself. It didn't take long for me to realize who was helping hide Kat from me. Dante and her were playing house all week and I just stepped back. Stepped away. I'm so sick of being the bad guy in their book.

         I had to control myself when I felt Kat's presence in the car when she sat directly behind me. I had to control myself when I could smell her perfume or hear her voice. I stayed away as best I could, but it was a fucking event for my own brother. I couldn't leave. If it was anyone else I would have told them to fuck off and find a different best man. 

Worst of all is when I tried to control myself when Kat stepped into the aisle in that gorgeous fucking dress. She was perfect. I hate myself for it, but when her soft hazel eyes snapped up to mine I deadass forgot to breathe for at least the first five steps of her coming down to the flowered archway.

        The color of her dress was flattering to both her and our picturesque surroundings. Her hair was full with beautiful curls. Her face was bright and needed no makeup at all, but I still noticed how she played up her eyes and full lips. As if I didn't need more distractions to stare at. 

The dress hung perfectly against her frame. I hated how much my gut burned while I looked at her. She eventually dropped her eyes from mine, but I still looked. I couldn't stop looking and I was pissed at myself for it.

        Even if Kat gives me the opportunity to explain Vittoria's presence in my apartment I still don't think this relationship will work. How can it work when she doesn't trust me? She'll always have doubts. We'll always argue when things beyond my control happen and she assumes the worst in me. 

I always see all the best things about that woman, and all she sees is the bad inside me. I should have never let her get so close. I don't know how or when she did, but one day I blinked and I needed this girl. I went against everything I believe in to create a relationship with this girl. To commit myself to one person and be genuinely faithful.

        If you told me that seven months ago, I would have laughed in your face then shoot you in it after. A woman under the skin of Renzo Revello? Someone he'd take care of, protect, and...love. I wouldn't believe you. 

I cringe at this version of myself who is so affected by the sight of a woman. Who cares at all that she left me. Fuck this version of myself. Fuck him for losing his edge. Big bad Renzo Revello with a weakness to be exploited. Who am I now? 

I genuinely mastered the art of not feeling. It's how I'm able to do the job that I do. I welcome the void so I can send every wrongful or painful thing there. I welcome the void, and yet I feel stuck here.

        I'm so wound up I know nothing good will come from me trying to release this knot. I've retreated because I know everything around me will turn to total oblivion when I snap. And I almost did yesterday when everyone was celebrating. 

As we walked down to the car after everyone gathered their things to leave I felt someone come up beside me. I didn't need to see with my eyes to know who it was. Everyone was drunk and piling into the car. Before I shut the trunk Kat turned to me and looked at me through her lashes. I grit my teeth. 

"You shared some lovely words" was all she said to me, and in that soft voice that slays me. I wanted to grab her. I physically took a step back so I couldn't.