Slow burn PART 2

Chapter 56

        When I got home I knew Renzo was still here because I spotted his car right away. My heart started to beat out of my chest while I walked up to the apartment door. Gosh, I'm practically trembling, but I don't even know how to identify what I'm feeling right now. 

As soon as I walked inside I caught those alluring eyes when they settled on mine. He explained his presence here, but I already knew. My heart hurt the longer he and I stood across from one another. When he announced that he'd get going I don't know why I did it but I didn't get out of his way.

        "Renzo, I know we have some things to discuss-" I started to address the awkward elephant in the room but he stopped me. "We don't have to go there" he used that disinterested tone that stings. This is the man accused of cheating and he's done nothing to attempt to defend himself ever since I ran off. 

Gosh, it just boiled over inside me. Who is this version of Renzo? I don't understand this man's angle but I hate it.

        "If you have an explanation you haven't worked very hard to tell it" my mouth moved before I gave it permission. I watched that familiar flame flicker behind his eyes. His jaw clenched and unclenched like he often does when he's trying to control his temper. 

Well at least I'd be getting some sort of reaction from him. 

Renzo fixed the lapels of his coat and slid his hands in his pockets when he took that wide stance that always makes him look so confident. It's a boss's stance. It's attractive. With his hands in his pockets he shrugged off my blurting words.

     "I tried. You ran. I chased. You hid. You asked for a break. I've given you what you asked for. If you got something to say to me then go ahead" he waved for me to speak. My heart was beating against my ribcage. He isn't wrong, but why do his words upset me so much? 

I didn't even know what to say at first. I just looked at him. He couldn't keep eye contact though. He looked away from me. This false calm, I see little bits of it slipping away. Like his subtle rolling of his shoulders to reassert himself. The tight jaw.

This ache inside me is something fierce. I wonder if he feels any of that at all? It makes it hard to breathe. It makes it hard to think. But suddenly my mouth began to move and I let my feelings speak instead of overthinking this. I want to speak what's in my heart.

        "Renzo, you're such a consuming presence in my life that I was starting to lose myself in you. When I saw Vittoria in your apartment it broke me. It felt like my world was falling apart and I don't think any one person should have such control over another's every thought and feelings. I live for you. I breathe for you. Regardless of if you truly cheated or not, my thinking that you had felt like I was literally being stripped of my life...and that's because you own half of it. You give me a place to live, you give me a job, you tell me you'll take care of me and suddenly I'm dependent on you" I didn't ramble, but the words did turn emotional. 

I took a few breaths between the words, but I got out what I wanted to say. Renzo's eyes stayed on me while he listened to me speaking, but when I paused he didn't open his mouth. I think he was waiting to see if I had more to say, and I did.

"If you'd like to explain to me why she was there in your apartment...naked," I could barely get that part out. I dropped my eyes and took a breath. I won't let myself cry over her. 

        "I have an explanation" was all he said. This man is driving me mad. My tremble had returned. I was anxious, curious, nervous, and worried. His explanation is the make or break of all this. Maybe I don't want to address this because I don't want things to officially end. If they do...gosh, he really does rule me. It's not right. Is that love? I don't know.