JJ Maybank Imagines

I'm Fine

inspired by the song 'I'm Fine' by Ashe

this is from JJs POV I wanted to switch it up a bit :)

The alarm rang at 6am just like it was supposed to. I felt y/n move to turn it off and the second it was off I pulled her into me. I'd felt off lately, a lot of my sadness came in waves. It's like the ocean, it's calm until a waves comes and then it crashes onto the beachy shore, dragging me down with it.

I just wanted to hold her and sleep, I felt as if I needed it more than anything. She's like a drug Ill never get enough of.

woke up too early

"cmon Jay, we have school." she whispered, sitting up and leaning over me. Both of her hands met my cheeks as she kissed my forehead. I stretched with a groan knowing full well I couldn't convince her to skip.

Once I got out of bed I slipped on my cargo shorts and threw on a zip up over my t-shirt that I'd slept in. The I washed off my face and brushed my teeth, trying my best to wake up.

I went into the kitchen and made coffee for myself while waiting for y/n. My eyes drooped low and instead of being ocean blue they were more of a stormy grey. I was 100% burnt out.

I reached into what I thought was sugar and went to put it in my coffee.

almost put salt in my coffee

"JJ that's salt" she giggled. I love her laugh. That caused me to chuckle while reaching for the actual sugar and putting some in. I'm literally a human zombie.

oh I thank god you stopped me before that

Y/n cheerily skipped off to put on her shoes and go to the car which I lazily follow behind. I put on my beaten up combat boots my dad gave me when I stopped growing.

I dragged my feet to the car and as I opened the door I tripped over something and spilt my coffee all over her front seat.

tripped over something, spilt it all over your front seat

"shit" I muttered. Luckily she has leather seats and a towel in her back seat or that would've been a pain. She's always prepared, I wish I was always prepared.
After the coffee mess was cleaned up we began the ride to school.

didn't even say I'm sorry about that

Every day seems the same here. All we do is surf, drink, and party. I want some type of thrill. Maybe it'll keep me more alive?

on and on it's just more of the same

"are you ok JJ?" she asked, reaching over and placing a hand on my knee, her thumb rubbing back and fourth softly. I nodded and plastered on a fake smile.

and even when you ask if I'm ok I try to say I'm fine

"I'm fine" I said. She didn't buy it, I know she didn't buy it. She never does. She is the only person in the world who notices.

you don't believe me when I say I'm alright

During the school day she stuck to my side. Sneaking kisses on my cheeks whenever no one was looking. I'm so lucky to have her, seriously.

you know I need you when I try to say I'm fine

After school the pogues all met up. I put on my best happy act possible. I hate nothing more in the world then when my friends ask how I'm doing. It's usually something I can fix on my own and don't want help. I just really hate to admit when I need help.

I cant admit when Im sad but thank god you know I need you when I try to say I'm fine

But yet again, any human with more than one braincell could tell I'm indeed not fine. I don't like to be a burden to anyone. Especially if its just a sad wave like this one. It's really not a big deal.

It's pretty easy to hide from everyone else. They're too invested in themselves. I love the pogues, they're my family and I'd take a bullet for them. But sometimes I question if they'd do the same thing for me.

I can hide from everyone else and they won't bat an eye. No, they never can tell when I'm falling apart on the inside.

Later in the night I went over to y/ns and we were laying in bed. She was holding me close, just like I wanted. I knew she got the message. Her fingers brushed through my hair which made me sleepy.

It just gets really hard sometimes and this right here is all I need.

it gets so hard keeping it up

"you know you can tell me anything, right? I know it gets hard but i'm always here for you Jay. You can do it because you're the most badass person I know" she mumble into my hair, kissing the top of my head.

"it's ok to need help and it doesn't have to be from me any of the pogues would be there for you if you let them in. I know they would." she continued. I needed those words more than anything.

keep your eyes down, keep your chin up. We all need someone there for us sometimes.

I wish it were me comforting her, that's my job. But I love that she's here for me. I love her more than life itself which may not being sayinf much at times but even when I never want life to end I still love her more. She's my best friend, girlfriend, and most likely soulmate. I truly don't know where I'd be without y/n.

but thank god you know I need you when I try to say I'm fine.