For You and Your Denial

Chapter 3

The jolt of her body from falling dream woke her. She stirred to face her left side, head pounding, making it difficult to open her eyes. Her arms fell on the empty side, her fingertips tracing the figure that was there not too long ago. Olivia opened her eyes to see the empty side. It sent a chill down her spine as the memories of the sensual love making that played out not too long ago rushed through her, the very side of the bed where trust began to form and walls that began to fall. The memories of the milk skin beauty that laid nude before her, the freckles that she had were now memorized and her vanilla smell still lingered on the pillowcase next to her.

She reached out and grabbed the pillow, bringing it close to her. Olivia inhaled the vanilla scent, the same vanilla that she first smelled while Amanda laid on top of her and claimed Olivia, the scent that followed her as she traced the petite figured under her. The softness of skin still burned her fingers, the type of softness that she had never felt before. It was the softness that Olivia swore felt like vanilla.

Her head pounded, a pulsing sensation that traveled down the back of her neck. The pain was so unbearable, and having her eyes open just made it feel worse. She closed her eyes as she placed her right hand on her forehead. The pulsing of her head played the video of memories that she wished she could forget, the memories that needed to burn right before her. Memories that contained the acts that occurred not so long ago that caused her wall to crumble with every gentle touch she was given. She remembered the fingertips that traced her body in a slow delicate matter that made her feel like glass, the very touch that still burned on her, the hot patch that still lays on the underneath her breast on her ribcage. It was her weak spot, which didn't take Amanda long to find. The burning feeling that traced from the middle of her stomach to where the tongue began a trail of wet dreams.

She winced as pain shot from her big toe. She picked up what she had tripped on, the picture of her former partner Elliot, the one that Amanda had knocked over when she was pushed against the dresser, the one that she apologized for knocking over, the picture that Olivia claimed that she no longer needed or cared about. The words spoken were true, the ones she whispered to Amanda, the words that she had told Amanda when she said that Amanda helped her forget about him. Her thoughts returned to Amanda's nude body leaned against the dresser while her hand dropped between the blonde's thighs, the heat that begged to be touched. She remembered the spine rolling chill from the vibration of Amanda's cries when she traced the wet silt of smooth blonde, the same cries that whimpered when she fell onto her knees and claiming the sweet lips of Amanda.

Olivia hissed that the hot water that penetrated her olive skin. The water dropped down her nude, bruised body as she tried to scrub the memories they stood for. She wanted to forget the piercing blue eyes that stared at her when Amanda laid between her thighs right before tasting the sweet fruit in front of her. She wanted to scrub off the sensation that still lingered in her, the sensation of Amanda fingertips filled inside her as she rode her into climax.

The feel of the nails that ran across her back while Olivia fucked Amanda. She needed to remove the sweet scent of Amanda, and the taste that her taste buds on her tongue clutched on to.

She shivered at moans that played in her head, the moans from the blonde. The sound of her name being called out had never sounded like music before Amanda yelled it in a climax.

Olivia needed to get rid of the night before. She couldn't keep remembering the feeling of it being more than lust. She refused to acknowledge the armor on her heart being broken in the mid of lovemaking, how trust came so easy between. She couldn't accept the way that each touch was different than the last, how each captured kiss tasted sweeter than the one before.

She had to deny the 'i love you's' because Olivia couldn't admit that every I love you were true, that they had felt real. Each emotion she felt was real, and she had fallen.

Olivia stood under her shower head wishing and praying for the strange new feelings to be washed away. Motionless she remained standing underneath the hot water as her head pounded to the rapid beat of her heart, to the loneliness that she felt.

She was wrapped in a black towel around her, her brown hair wet from the long shower. She stood motionless staring at her messy bed, how the moonlight fell perfectly at the spot Amanda laid on hours ago. The picture of their shadows danced before her, acting out the drunk love making she had experienced. She imagined the way the moonlight radiated on Amanda's milk skin as she laid on top of her while her lips left a trail of wet kisses down Olivia's neck. The moon reminded her of every emotion that forms out through every touch and kisses. It reminded her of the rawness that she had never experienced, and the feeling she had to let go of.

Fear hit like a ton of bricks, the same fear she left years ago. It was the denial that followed her in every relationship she was in, the denial that came in every female that opened her heart in the slightest way.

It the end, it was always just her and her denial.