For You and Your Denial

Chapter 5

"Amanda, Fin, you take the lead walking these guys out." Cragen says, gesturing to the perps.

"Liv, you fall behind a step, spotlights on Amanda on this one."

Amanda stutters out in that adorable southern drawl of hers, "Oh, well I mean, it was a group effort, sir..." Amanda blushes and heads to the holding cell.

Fin chimes in from Olivia's left, "Better fix your lipstick ladies." Puzzled, she looked out the windows to see a mass of reporters and cameramen awaiting our perp walk. "Let's do this," She says to no one in particular, dragging behind Fin.

"God, she looks breathtaking in that cream blazer-" Crosses Olivia's forbidden mind looking at a certain blonde detective "-although she'd look better without it. " she ended, shaking her head at the thoughts that began to raise.

"Alright guys, let's get these bastards out of here."

Olivia waits for Amanda and Fin to head for the main exit with their main perp, following behind with the second. "

As Fin pushes the doors open Amanda is immediately blinded by a combination of the sun and a million camera flashes all at once. Ignoring the influx of questions from the reporters Fin and Amanda usher the woman to the back of the squad car. She lets Fin secure the perp, making her way towards the driver side, only to be met with a deafening bang and white-hot searing pain on her shoulder. Screams fill the air as her vision begins to blur, "Amanda...Amanda...Amanda," She hears her name but she couldn't form the words to respond.

Amanda was woken from her foggy state, as the bright lights shined directly into her eyes causing her headache to worsen. She winced at the sharp pain from her left shoulder when she tried to sit up and was quickly reminded that she had been shot a few hours ago.

Her eyes squinted as she looked around the empty room, white dripped down the walls from the ceiling. There was a large whiteboard on the corner wall across from her bed that had her name and her nurse's name on it. It had written the goal they were trying to accomplish. It read pain management. They were failing.

She clicked on the drop button to release some much-needed morphine. The room around her began to spin, she became light headed as the morphine traveled through her small veins. Amanda tried to keep awake but was defeated by the powerful drug as she slipped into a comfortable sleep, once again.

Her thoughts were lost in the events that had happened earlier that day. She could still hear the loud gunshot, the yells of the people that surrounded them and Fin calling out Amanda's name. She could still see the bright red blood rushing out of Amanda's shoulder through her cream colored coat, and how her eyes seemed so far away. Olivia could still feel the softness of Amanda's hair when she kept her head from hitting the ground, and the vanilla scent that she had not forgotten filled her lungs.

She tried to shake off the sound of the gunshot and the imagines of the blood from her head. It tormented her, the thought that if Amanda had turned a certain way, she wouldn't be alive. It shook her, scared her to picture her life without the blonde. The realization that it would have been the last time she would have smelled her sweet sugary vanilla scent, touched the softness of her hair and saw what was behind her piercing blue eyes. She wouldn't have forgiven herself for the way she had behaved prior to the shooting. How it had been almost a whole month since they had spoken to each other. Olivia's thoughts had returned to the night she and Amanda had their moment, a moment that still haunted her. The night she lost the state of confusion built up, the feelings that she could not understand, and refused to understand.

Olivia jumped slightly when she felt a hand land on her shoulder, her thoughts from the night of their drunken moment had quickly vanished by the simple touch.