Before he kissed me like that, I'd thought he was just some kid who cared too much. But then after that kiss, I realized he isn't bullshit. I roll over, and look at his sleeping face, looking almost angelic. I rub his arm softly, sighing, as I listen to his beating heart. Something I'll never have again, and if he continues to be with me, he won't either. Being with me is a death trap for him, and he'll never understand that. The sooner he learns that Ian will stop at nothing to kill someone, the safer he'll be. He rolls over, his other arm exposed. I gasp when I see his other arm. Bite marks. And not ordinary bite marks. Vampire marks. I sit up immediately, my hands shaking. I grab his shoulder and shake him, hard. "John Luke! Get up. Get the fuck up!" He looks at me through tired eyes as I jump over him to get out of bed. "What...What are you doing...?" He manages to get out. I sigh, throwing a shirt at him. "C'mon. We have to go. Now." I say, brushing my hair as he puts on the shirt. He winces as he lifts his arms up. "When did you get that bite?" I say, trying to stay calm. The faster his heartbeat, the more the venom will attack his body. I hear it slowing down a little, making me worry. He starts to make his bed, but I grab his hand and pull his toward the window. I open the window, dangling one leg out. He grabs my arm looking at me with concern. "What are you doing? Can't we just be normal and go through the front door?"
"Do you see anything normal about our relationship so far?"
He blinks. " Yeah, we make out."
I roll my eyes. "No, no. That's not what I mean. Look, trust me on this one, okay? You cannot go down those stairs and see what is down there."
He turns around, and marches toward his bedroom door, flinging it open, I pull my leg out of the window, running to him. "John Luke! John Luke, wait!" I yell reaching the door. He's standing in the living room, hidden, watching his mom. Unable to keep his eyes off of her. Tears fill his eyes, crimson fury showing through him. "John Luke..." I whisper, afraid to hurt him. He doesn't move, I can tell this is hurting him. His mother is straight up making out with his best friend. Well, ex best friend. Her hand slides up his shirt, the other rubbing his crotch. My mouth drops in surprise from the way she's acting. His hands are all over her, groping her breasts, sliding his fingertips in her pants, slightly rubbing. I notice John Luke's about to loose his cool. Something out of the ordinary for him. He grabs a glass plate and throws it at Emmett's head. Emmett jumps away from Miss. Luke, looking up in surprise. "Dude! What the fuck are you-Whoa man, put that up." He says, noticing the knife. John Luke rips up his sleeve and walks to his mother. "Hey, mom. I'd like you to take a look at all of them. All may be scars, but this one won't. I've done this not only out of self hate, but for the bullshit you do. Why do you do this to me? Why can't you just stick with one dick?" My eyes widen at such vulgar words towards his mother. "John Luke." I say, warning him. If he cuts himself, I'll have no choice but to end everything we've ever had. Something tells me he knows what he is doing... "Dude, What the fuck is wrong with you?" Emmett says. John Luke quickly slaps the shit out of him, leaving Emmett on the floor. "What the fuck is wrong with you that's my fucking mother you were about to fuck." He raises the money from the coffee table, and shoves it in his pocket. Standing over Emmett, he grins, punching him right in the nose. Emmett's hands fly to his face, arching his back, exposing his neck. John Luke drops to his knees, grabs the back of Emmett's head and slices his throat with one quick movement. his mom screams as John Luke faces her. "Boom, now you don't have to worry about hurting me, mom. You can stick to one dick." She stares at him in disbelief, unable to understand what he just did. "Son..." She whispers, touching his bloody hands, staring into his eyes. I look away, afraid he may feel embarrassed. Something isn't okay with him. Slitting Emmett's throat isn't something he would do normally. Something isn't the same inside him. Inside his head, something malfunctioned and he has disconnected from the real world. And the real John Luke.
***
As we sit in the car, John Luke driving to a hog farm, to dump Emmett's body. Since hogs eat flesh and bones, John Luke figured this was where he could get rid of the body. "Do you realize what you did, John Luke?" I say softly, afraid to make him angry.
"Well, I'm not stupid." He says defensively.
"John Luke, you can't just keep pretending like what you did to him is okay."
"Would you stop?"
"What? Telling you what is right? Because I'm the only one who realizes how fucked up someone has to be to slice their own species' throat?"
"Please, Callie, that's enough."
"It isn't okay for you to sit here and think nothing was wrong with killing Emmett."
"It was his time to go."
"No! He was only 16, John Luke!!"
"It was planned in the book."
My breath catches. "What..book?"
"The codex. The book that says everything,
"No...no no no no.. You cannot live by that fucking Codex, John Luke."
"Stop calling me that. My name is John, and that's it. Don't tack that bullshit on there."
"That's your name, isn't it? Look, I'm not here to babysit you. I'm also not here to play your Bonnie and Clyde shit. I'm not about that, and that's something you need to learn and learn quick. You should wake the fuck up, John. Because I'm not still here for your bullshit. I'm here for you."
"I'm not pulling bullshit and what I did was not wrong it was a lesson to the stupid fuck. If you don't want to be with me, and love me for who I am, then leave, it won't bother me none."
I'm hurt by his words, but I have to tell myself they aren't true. "John, don't talk like that. I'm sorry, I just don't want you to be like Ian."
He slams on the breaks, jerking me forward. His hands grip the wheel so tight, his knuckles are white. "Did you just say...that I'm starting to become Ian? The man who used you? And fucked you? And then FUCKING KILLED YOU?! How am I like him, of all people? Because I just sliced Emmett's throat in front of my mother? You know, Callie, I thought you were going to be different. And I don't know if you have noticed, but I have never tried to have sex with you. I have never used you. In fact, because of YOU, I have been bitten by something that is probably killing me at this very second. And all I ever wanted was for you to love me."
I stare at the dark, empty road, feeling empty. He finally admitted it. This is my fault. "John Luke..."
"Stop. Calling me that, Callie. Do you not understand that you said my name with love and care and now it's with FEAR. As if I could ever hurt you. I wouldn't. I could never hurt you, Callie. I wanted you and only you and now, you're afraid. Afraid to love me when I'm just trying to protect you." Tears roll down his cheeks as he pulls a starling silver necklace out of his pocket. A snowflake pendant.
"John Luke, you need to understand that...you just slit your best friend's throat. He wasn't just Emmett, he was your best friend."
He puts the necklace on me, my heart pounding, his bloody hands so close to my neck. "It's a snowflake because you're unique. One of a kind. No one can be the same. And I will never find someone exactly like you, someone so perfect. I love you, Callie, and I need you to see that. I need you to listen to my voice and process that I love you with all my heart."
I stare at him, thinking of a response. "John Luke..." Do I love him? Or am I just...numb like I've always been.
