Acrostics of the moon (GladionxM!Reader)

Exactly where I'm supposed to be

Guyssss, gonna rant a bit. So I have a boyfriend, and we've been dating for over six months now, the thing is... I sort of started wanting this like romantic courting, like the one before you date, when you are only starting to fall in love, the one in which you tease each other trying to know if they like you, and my boyfriend and I well I mean I did tease him before we dated, which was like once. He was trying to hold my hand down, I do not remember why, but yeah, so I told him "If you want to hold my hand that bad you can just say so". But that's was it, so I started feeling like that little something was missing, we moved pretty fast, we met on June and started becoming friends on august, we got together in November. So, this sorta started like making me feel slightly upset, and I don't know, I just felt like I wanted something different, something just like that romantic and cliche getting to know each other. It just felt like it wasn't working out anymore and that we didn't really have the spark we had at the beginning. I really do love my boyfriend, but now our teasing is mostly like him throwing a dirty joke at me and I don't know, I really like those innocent jokes, the innocence that relationships have and all, I just really like that and I feel like we lost that. We lost that innocence in which I'd look to his desk and he'd smile at me and we kept eye contact for like the whole day. I miss that in our relationship, and I feel really bad about missing it. I feel like I'm awful for not feeling complete with how we are now.

Part of the problem is that back when we were just friends we'd be able to hug each other, and he'd carry me on his back, and now we can't hug for more than 5 seconds cause we get reported. I feel like we also lost that. I feel like the moment I got to love him (I always love him, I just mean like I was able to express it) the most recently was when we were taking graduation pictures, he carried me on his back, and we hugged, and I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his neck and he spun me around. I laughed and smiled and everything felt so perfect. But now, even when it's just the two of us, we usually end up getting upset. I just wish we'd be able to be like how we were that day, every day, or more often.

Haha, I'm so sick of my life, he's been very distant recently, he isn't allowed to hang out with me cause he's grounded, but he went to a party yesterday and was gonna fight a guy just for fun, then he went to another today. He answered last at 4 pm and came back at 10:45 more or less and just was like. I was at a party. That made me upset. He could've told me beforehand so I wouldn't be worrying for six hours. I just answered 'a ok', I muted him, I'm not gonna text him till Monday, if I feel in the mood. He woke up past one pm, and our chats are very cutoff. Like 1:35, then 2:40 then 3:59. I'd rather not even talk to him. I know it's petty of me to just not talk to him for a whole day, but I'm so sick of this. And he's gonna miss my birthday cause he's grounded :/ and we made a plan to watch the black clover movie together, but he's grounded. And I'm going on a somewhat exchange in July, we'll I guess it's fair. I will miss his birthday too. We've been on the verge of breaking up for a while, it just isn't healthy anymore, but I don't wanna do it. I literally threatened him with killing myself if he didn't break up with me. I know it's fucked up, but I just didn't know what to do. He asked if I wanted to break up, and I said what I think. I do not know what to do anymore. I said he broke my heart to pieces as tiny as grains of sand that fall from your hand, there's nothing left. A person with no heart cannot love.

He broke up with me today haha I'm gross I hate myself :/

I feel awful you know
I really love him :( I wish I could've been better and did things right when he gave me the chance
I really fucked up everything since the start
I hate myself so much

I totally could've done better than him, honestly like I didn't even wanna confess a friend forced me to, we were to different he was a homophobic asshole either way I mean
And honestly I am gorgeous, like I have a nice body, nice hair, nice eyes, I'm smart like honestly he wasn't even my type, I did like him but like it would've never worked and deep inside I knew it since the start