My Art Book 2!!!

A Very Self Indulgent Reflection From A Senior Who Is Kinda Proud Of Herself

My freshman year of high school sucked. Not only did I spend most of the year dealing with the social fallout from a very rough breakup, I was an outcast in the very program that should have been where I felt most accepted. I had exactly one friend who actually acted like she liked me. Community theatre didn't do much to help my self worth either, as I was cast in ensemble role after ensemble role for six shows in a row. I had braces and I'd gained weight since I never had the time or motivation, so I hated how I looked in every picture. At the end of May, I didn't feel cool, smart, likable, talented, pretty, or like I had anything to be proud of.

With all of my classes completed and graduation just a week away, there's so much I wish I could tell my 14 year old self. I wish I could tell her that she would play an instrumental role in getting the teacher who ruined her self esteem and social life fired. I wish I could tell her that the light at the end of the ensemble tunnel would be getting to play her favorite Disney princess.  I wish I could tell her that after months of patience and preparation, she would not only get to play her favorite Shakespeare character but that she'd win a BroadwayWorld Award for it.

She would be one of only two non-pageant girls in Distinguished Young Women and win Second Alternate, two overall categories, and be voted as the Spirit Award winner by her fellow contestants, proving she not only had talent and brains, but heart.

She would be an absolute knockout once she got her braces off.

She would take on the task of adapting one of her favorite shows for the stage and discover a genuine passion and gift for songwriting.

She would get to prove her chops as a serious dramatic actress in Twelve Angry Jurors, defying expectations in a role usually cast as a man.

She would push herself to the absolute limit during the musical theatre college audition process and after hearing no after no, would ultimately beat out 97% of applicants to be accepted into her dream program.

She would graduate with honors and distinction and in the top ten percent of her class.

She would get to play MORTICIA FREAKING ADDAMS.

She would get cast as love interests with the same boy who broke her heart and not only make it through the show with no drama, but find a brilliant scene partner, an excellent friend, and at long last, closure.

She would find her true chosen family with a compassionate, extraordinary group of young choir members who came to view her as a role model and older sister, and learn to be something she never thought she could be- a leader.

She would do the unthinkable- she would get a DATE to PROM! And not just any date, but a sweet, handsome, funny theatre guy who liked her enough to drive in from a different STATE.

She would, against all odds, regain the respect of her classmates enough that they voted her Most Talented in the student body, and she would go on to win the award for Outstanding Achievement in theatre, once and for all sticking it to the teacher who only wanted to teach her to know her place. The principal would tell her that she had blossomed more than any other student in the class and was headed for the stars.

All this is to say, to 14-year-old me... you did it. You didn't let your darkest days define you. You didn't let them make you mean, or take your motivation, or your joy. Your self-worth took a dip, but never your self-respect. You became an inspiration to your peers and allowed them to inspire you in return. You kept your eye on the prize, and now you're several steps closer to seizing it.

You did it your way.