"Lost in Love"

Chapter 13: The Real Me

[Jimin]

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Jungkook had finally left to go to his last exam. 'GOSH! I thought he wouldn't leave.' I giggled. I loved the idea of him wanting to stay. There was no medicine or food that could make me feel as good as the arms and kisses of my baby. I knew he would do everything to make me feel better but he needed to take of himself first. And that meant leaving me alone and going to ace that paper.

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I was so proud of him. He worked hard in his final year and he allowed me to help him too. I made sure he was comfortable and prepared during his last year at the university. It was usually the toughest time with all the various assignments and tests to complete especially when you had bills to pay. Even though Jungkook was on a full scholarship, he shared an apartment with three other guys. They all had their own rooms with a toilet and bath but shared a kitchen and living area. However, they had to share the basic bills. Lights, internet etc. Jungkook's little part-time job at the campus library helped pooled his share with the upkeep of the apartment. His roommates more or less kept mainly to themselves but they were cool. Only one of the guys looked uncomfortable every time I came over to hang out with Jungkook, so we spent most of our time at my apartment.

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Jungkook and I talked a lot about him moving in with me. He was a bit sceptical at first not that he didn't want to be with me but he had made a commitment with his other roommates. He didn't want to just up and leave. So we decided that after official classes were finished that he would inform them that he was giving up his room and they would have to find someone else to help around. They were cool about it and when the time came, we went about moving his stuff.

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It was only when Jin had visited us that Jungkook had finally moved everything into my apartment. "Well our apartment now," I reminded myself as I headed towards the kitchen. Ugh! I hated being sick. The only joy I got from it was being in Jungkook's arms and having him take care of me. He was like a big 'Mother Hen'. Jungkook would make a great dad someday.

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Then I remembered Jin's words to me, 'Don't you think Jungkook would want to have children too? Don't make a decision like this that you'll regret later'. Making a family. Jungkook was a family man. He came from a great family-orientated unit. Why wouldn't he want to be a dad? But was I really ready to commit to being that support system with him? And knowing that I had the power of our relationship in my hands, just made me even more anxious and worrisome.

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We were doing things the right way. We courted, made promises to be exclusive and now we were living together. The next step: Marriage? Then: Children? Was I ready for that? Yes! Especially with Jungkook by my side but knowing what I did so many years ago that changed my life forever I began to doubt. Knowing that my life would've been totally different if I hadn't done what I did, was I about to make another mistake again? Back then I was a child in pain and a child who was lost but found his way back home. It reminded me of the parable in the bible of the 'Prodigal Son' Jungkook told me about. I was the prodigal son back then by coming back home and being accepted by my family. My big brother probably hated me back then but he came to terms with my decision. My forgiving father gave me everything I needed and wanted and he still was. It was all to make me happy. But was I truly happy?

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I ate my breakfast and took the meds. Jungkook messaged me that he had arrived and I replied with all my heart. We loved hearts. They symbolized our connectivity and our bumps. One of our bumps was Barbara his ex. She was still in love with Jungkook. I saw it in everything she did. After leaving us at Tae's party, Barbara went back home to 'live her life'. But she kept in contact with Jungkook. Nothing was wrong with that but it wasn't the kind of friendship one should have with an ex. To me it didn't look like she was moving on from him but was trying to keep him in. This was our first official 'fight' as a couple. A few months after officially dating, I had decided to seriously speak with Jungkook about his ex.