"Lost in Love"

Chapter 39: "A Mother's Love"

(Jungkook)

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Somehow we went from talking about movies, to fantasies and now to Jimin's situation with his mother. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed but looking at my Jiminnie's face I could see a look of peace and determination. He wanted to take care of things so we could get married and move on with our lives. I know we were about to disturb his mother's past life but this was necessary for us to continue with the plans we had for each other.

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Jimin was already on treatment and his body was changing beautifully. I made sure and told him and showed him that every single night when we settled in for bed. Looking at him now with that smile on his face, I had never seen him more beautiful. He was holding a white envelope. I wanted to kiss him and make love to him right now but I was curious as to what he was talking about when he said,

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"How about we solve this mystery together, my love? It's time we let her rest in peace so we can move on in peace."

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Jimin didn't have to tell me who the 'her' was. I knew it was his mother but I couldn't remember anything about an envelope. "I would love that, babe. What's with the envelope?"

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He came and sat down next to me looking at the piece of paper, "My mother, before she killed herself, wrote letters to the three of us. My dad and Jin already read theirs. I've never read mine because I didn't want to have anything to do with her." He sighed when he said that but then he told me, "Remember the dream I had when Jane showed me that my mother's soul was in pain and in a state of unrest?" I nodded. "In the dream Jane said that mom was there because she had unfinished business and if they were not resolved, she would remain there for all eternity."

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I just had to ask, "So what can we do to help her?"

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Jimin looked at me and confessed, "Honestly, I never wanted to. I had feelings of resentment and such anger for her for not loving us that I was actually happy that she was suffering. I thought that if she killed herself then she deserved to suffer." He paused and looked down at the envelope. Then I saw the drops falling. "I realise now that with all the failures and disappointments in my life, I was always putting the blame on her instead of myself."

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I tried to tell him it wasn't so, "No Jimin, you can't blame yourself..." but he interrupted me.

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"No baby. I can. I needed to realise that I was the one doing things to others that eventually caused the hurts in my life. I needed to stop blaming her." He looked at me and smiled, "She's not here but I am. Do you understand baby? Look at Tae. Yes what he did was horrible but I was the one who ignored him. I abandoned our friendship and if I were a true friend I wouldn't have encouraged us to do what we did at his party. He really didn't deserve that."

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"Well what about Travis? You didn't cause that."

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"Hmm... I remember a certain individual telling me to stay away from going further into James' death and that we needed to leave it up to the police..." And he caressed my face. Of course it was me who told him that but I felt hurt that he was thinking these things about himself.

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"Jimin, you're such a beautiful person. Why are you being so hard on yourself?"

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