"Lost in Love"

Chapter 38: "More Secrets"

[Jungkook]

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It was six months since we had met up with Tae and Mei. I heard they were doing fine as Tae started back working while Mei got the position she wanted. When Jimin last spoke to him, Tae mentioned that he and Bitty were moving in together. That was great but even though I saw great improvements in him, I still didn't trust Tae 100% and Jimin knew that. Every time we double dated or just met for drinks, I would make sure that Tae felt my presence. He knew too but he was okay with that. No one not even his best friend was going to hurt my Jiminshi ever again.

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My only mistake was that I was only thinking of the people who we were interacting with when internally Jimin had demons that had been plaguing him for years. The situation with his mother was still up in the air as many times while we slept I would hear him whimpering and yelling out, 'No-no...' over and over again. He would get up in pools of sweat and I would just take him to the shower to cool him off and help him change into new pyjamas. My baby was hurting but it was from his internal memories and pains that his mother left behind. We needed to conquer this but I couldn't do this alone. I needed help. I actually contacted Mei. She was into psychology and I hoped that if she couldn't give good advice that she'd put me on to someone who could.

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"Technically we're not supposed to counsel members of our families or friends but I'm sure Jimin would've have psychologists from when he was younger. They would know more into his history and how deeply they can work with him. They would also know all his stressors and ways to avoid him from getting these outbursts. Get in contact with them."

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So I did. I contacted Jimin's father who gave me the information we needed. Jimin was all for everything. He was sad a lot and he knew that his depression was affecting me as well. As much as he wanted to get better, he was more concerned about me not feeling the brunt of his sadness and pain. Too late, my love. Every time Jimin would cry or talk about what he saw in his dreams just made me just as sad as him. I felt hopeless and I wondered if I was helping him at all.

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"These people would help you, Jiminshi. We need to go to them," I was referring to his doctors and thankfully Jimin agreed.

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As we were about to get going my phone rang. It was Dr. Charlie. I did try to contact him as well wanting to get as much professional help as possible for Jimin.

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"Hey Jungkookie. I'm so sorry I missed your call. The clinic has been super busy out here in Cape Town."

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"It's okay." I paused and he asked me to tell him what was going on so I did. He listened attentively and I could hear him writing things down too. Finally when I was done he gave me his advice.

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"Okay. Well it seems as though the situation with Jimin and his mother is still unresolved. With her committing suicide she left things unanswered and open for more hurt. When people take their own lives its mainly because they don't see a way out for them from the choices that they make. Unfortunately its not only them that suffers but the lives of their loved ones who remain behind to clean up their mess. Jimin is living in his mother's mess, consciously and subconsciously. He blames himself for not stopping her from taking the pills that eventually took her life."

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He paused and I said, "When he told me what he remembered that day, I was so angry with her but there was nothing I could do to take it away." Charlie asked me what I did to ease my own anger. I laughed and said, "I think I took to the gym and eventually burst a punching bag."