One shots.

in the end, nothing stays. isn't that right?

TW: very brief talk about mental health, self-harm and suicide thoughts.
it is not elaborate, so it should be alright to read. it is only giving a rough idea.

ya'll.. i'm sorry. i'm going to end the one shot book here. you can skip this, i am simply giving a bit of an explanation, as well as giving a bit of a rant.
i haven't been able to write. gods, i haven't been able to make a simple draft for a long time now. it's to the point where i'm unable to write down ideas for books, gods know i have plenty of ideas. 

i love writing, there is no doubt about that. i would love to become an author one day, but it won't work out. there are multiple reasons, but i won't bore you more than i already have. hence i will only give three reasons.

firstly, my mental health hasn't been the best lately. i've been struggling more and more with my depression. SH thoughts and suicidal thoughts have become more frequent which keeps me busy and i do my best to make it through the day. i will be alright in the end, it's just a bit of a struggle at the moment.

secondly, i have a condition called chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS/ME). excluding the past two weeks which have been slightly better; for the last 6 years, i have been stuck in my room and on my bed. i haven't been to school regularly since i was 13. unable to do much else without being completely cut off from the world simply because i do not have any energy to keep my brain running. writing took energy out of me, and i rarely finished anything i wrote before i completely crashed and forgot the idea that i had.

thirdly, as a result of the previous statement, my memory has suffered greatly. i struggle to remember something as simple as a name to a dish i ate earlier in the day. while forgetting the idea might seem like it has a simple solution, even sitting down and trying to calculate something new takes energy. remembering plot becomes a big obstacle and writing down the plot takes even more energy, i end up not wanting to write, especially when it would only take more out of me than give. 

i feel i should apologize, but i don't owe you guys an apology.

in the end, i write for fun. to share something i wished to read with others. ; it isn't fun when you can barely think through the mental brain fog.

life happens, there is not much i can do to stop it other than take my meds and supplements. even then it isn't enough sometimes.
i do hope you enjoyed reading the little i did publish. i know i have countless books still lying in my drafts, abandoned.. and i wish i could continue writing them so i could share them with you all. but unfortunately, that just isn't something i am able to do in my current state.

to my best friend who watched me write a lot of the things that i have both published and not published; thank you so much for being around. for chatting with me through this whole bs situation. i love you man.

to the rest of you who stuck around, who came to read this shitty little one shot book; thank you. seeing the comments, seeing the book get put in book collections; it brightened my day a bit, seeing people enjoying the shit i published.

it means a lot. however silly that might be.

anyway, this is goodbye.
thank you for reading.
i hope you find the books you are looking for.

peace. ✌