Starstruck Again

Kriya

I cannot take it anymore. I sit and feel like my head will burst open from the pain. I wasn't prepared for this. I wasn't ready. It wasn't supposed to happen. But it did. Varun came back and I can't tell why. I reach out for my phone and dial Disha and ask her to come over as fast as she can. I need her with with me. 

I sit in silence and have a thousand things running in my head. It's so overwhelming and I can't think straight. Why is Varun here? What does he got to do with me? Not like hurting me wasn't enough already. I feel like Varun really wanted to say something and a part of me wants to hear out what he has to say. But at the same time, I am angry and seeing him again brings back all the  memories we made together. I think that hurts the most; when you are so certain that the person whose hands you hold will remain with you forever, and then they are just gone. Gone because of betrayal. Gone because they probably never felt the same way you did. 

I had never been in love before. The idea of it fascinated me but also scared me at the same time. I didn't exactly know why I hesitated so much or what was I afraid of but now I do. I was scared of exactly what happened. When I met Varun, I felt like I could take a chance; I felt like we could make this work. Oh boy was I wrong! I  left him quicker than I caught feelings for him. It made me realize how important self respect is. I would rather be single than be with someone who cheats on me while being in a relationship with me. 

 I hear the doorbell, thrice with additional door bangs and I know that its Disha. I stand and realize that I have been sitting for so long that my legs feel numb. I feel numb. Disha storms in and I just hug her and break down. I feel like I am out of control and I think I sound like a wolf or something but I really don't care. A lot has happened and I need my best friend with me. 

After a long time I stop sobbing and see that her shoulders are drenched with my tears of sheer sorrow and grief. It feels so good to let it all out. 

" Shall we sit and down and maybe you can tell me what the hell happened? ", Disha says walking towards the living room. I follow her inside.

" Well...", I say, trying not to choke on my own words, " Varun was...is....WAS here."

" Like here , here?"

" Yes Disha. Like here, here! In my home. He said that he wanted to speak to me but I couldn't bear the sight of him so I shut the door on his face." 

Disha's mouth is wide open as I speak. Obviously she is shocked. Nobody was expecting this; not me, not her, NO ONE.

"You think I should listen to him at least once? I mean he looked like he really wanted to say something. I don't know if I should speak to him or not. I am so damn confused!"

" Look Kriya", she sits up straighter this time, " I think you should ...."

" What?"

" I think you should.."

" Hear him out kriya", Abhi says. He is standing in the doorway. 

" What is he doing here Disha?" I wasn't expecting him to come along. It's not like I don't like him but sometimes he gets on my nerve and the last thing I wanted was for him to show up. I just give Disha the 'why-the-hell-did-you-bring-him-along' look.

" Oh come on Kriya! We were hanging out together when you called and trust me when I say this, I was scared shitless when you asked me to come. We both were!"

" Okay fine, whatever. Abhi, why do you think I should hear him out?"

" It's because you never really gave him a chance to speak . You didn't end the relationship the way it is supposed to end."

" Well, if I let him speak, he is going to justify himself. I hope you understand that. What is he going to say? That he didn't mean it and it was a mistake? Make excuses for what he did?" I am shouting at this point and any minute I could start crying again. Good heavens what's happening to me. 

" Kriya, you make a lot of assumptions. For once, hear him out. You don't have to forgive him or get back together. This time, you hear him out and YOU tell him what you went through in the last few months. Tell him that you left him because yo-"

" Because I deserve better." I know they are right. I have some clarity now. They nod at me with assurance and embrace me in a hug.

" You know good stuff like this comes from couples who break up ten thousand times and still get back together right?", Abhi says slyly.

" Don't you justify your unstable relationship like that", I say rolling an eye. No matter what the situation is, Abhi and I have to have a banter. 

We hug each other and I feel so much better. My head is clear and I just have to wait for a few hours before I end things off with Varun, once and for all; face to face. 

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A/N: Hi, I am alive and well. I don't who am I saying hi to but okay. 

1. My writing has become crusty, not like it was any better was it has gotten worse.

2. I am trying to bring my life back on track and take time for things I really like to do, I will try and upload as much as I can. No please who am I kidding . 

3. I hope you all are alive, living, breathing, walking around :)