Always You

Always You: Part 3

I quickly walked out of the black SUV, making sure to cover my face with a mask and big sunglasses.

Four men dressed head to toe in black soon surrounded me, allowing me only to see the word SECURITY in both Thai and English as I was escorted to my destination. While they were only slightly taller than me, they made up for it in their stature; all muscle. I was now barely visible to crowds and cameras around me, only those with the best camera lens could catch a glimpse of me in the spaces when our steps weren't aligned. Despite this, I ducked my head as close to my chest as possible, wanting nothing more than to disappear.

Thankfully the walk to the T-POP studio building wasn't far, and I soon was met with a blast of cool air as the doors opened up to the artist entrance.

On the other side I saw P'Aof waiting for me, having arrived earlier to talk the stage managers about my set. Removing my face coverings, I walked toward him, waiting to be led to my waiting room.

"You look horrible, New."

I gave him a droll look, deciding that my expression was enough of an answer.

I could tell by his face that he wasn't going to let this go: "Seriously, New, are you alright? We are really worried about you, especially Nat. He says that you haven't been responding to his calls or texts the last couple of days. Listen, I know that this time of year is really difficult for you, but-"

"When does my stage start?" I asked, cutting him off. Sighing, P'Aof looked down at his watch, calculating the time left. "You have a little over an hour before you're on. Hair and makeup starts in 10 minutes." And with that walked off, shaking his head.

Making my way to the room with my name written on the nameplate, I opened the door, letting out a deep breath. This is so much more lonelier as one person.

This room itself wasn't too big, but when you were the only one, even a small amount of space could seem too much. Sitting down on the couch, I let out another deep breath and closed my eyes, Hia's face flashing behind my eyes, his mouth moving-I love you.

Snapping my eyes open, I unlocked my phone and opened up the camera, staring at my reflection.

P'Aof was right, I really did look horrible. My hair was a mess, pieces of my hair askew. Honestly, I had been trying to change my look, growing out the top and the back, creating a sort of short mullet. But I knew that my attempt to create a new image had nothing to do with the way my bangs were crossing each other, and that the hair at the crown of my head was standing up. I had dark circles under my eyes, the black and blue further noticeable by the prominent bags there due to the excessive crying I had been doing for the last week. I looked sickly, my cheeks shallow and pale.

I was completely unrecognizable.

I shifted my eyes around through the camera, trying to find anything that would remind me of the past NuNew, of my past life. The one where the fanboy met and fell in love with his idol, the one where the idol seemed to love him back.

"Khun NuNew?"

"Nong NuNew?"

"New!"

Startled out of reverie, I lifted my head to my hair and makeup artist for the studio, P'Nicha. In her late 40s, she was like a second mother to me. She was there when Hia and I did the OST on stage and she was still there after he left. "I'm really sorry Phi. I was lost in thought."

Smiling sadly, she moved over to the couch, sitting down next to me. She gathered my hands in one of hers, the other brushing my cheek.

"Nong New, my sweet boy, it's OK. let it all out. There is nothing wrong with crying. We still have a few minutes."

I hadn't realized I had been crying, but I wiped my eyes, feeling the tears falling. "Phi..." my voice wavered, my lips quivering as I could feel a sob building in my chest.

Soon I was loudly crying, short of breath. Wrapping me in her arms, Phi gently rocked me, trying to soothe me.

"I know, I know, New. We all miss him so much. But I don't think any of us can truly understand how hard this is for you. You genuinely loved him, as he did you. We were all rooting for you. And then he was gone. And even after all this time, I have no doubt that it still hurts and that you still love him. And that wherever he is, he still loves you."

I gripped hard onto her shirt, bunching the fabric there. "My heart...my heart, it hurts so much...I still see him in everything I do and see...I just want him back...Phi..."

"Shhh, shhh, I know."

As I cried in her arms, and even took the stage and hour later, looking every bit as a young successful singer and actor everyone thought me to be, there was only one thing on mind, a sort of broken record on repeat:

It would have been two years today.

It would have been two years today.

It would have been two years today.

If he was still here, we would have celebrated our two year anniversary today.

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Author's Note:

Good morning from Japan!

Y'all, remember when I said I wasn't nervous about what was going to happen because I read the book...I spoke too soon...that was not how the proposal scene went. Since there is only one episode left I know that the conflict will be resolved quickly, but I'm probably going to cry.

Did you all watch the Blush interview? I really hope I can find an English translation of the risebynur interview soon, it looked really fun and cute!

I am finally eligible for my COVID booster shot, so I'll get that late this morning, so I decided to post earlier in case I get super sick again like the last time.