She didn’t go to the feast that night.
It was easier to lock herself away in the girl’s dormitories and get to organizing her trunks in solitude. Anna didn’t want to have to deal with finding an empty place to sit - or with Ron’s nagging questions about why she wasn’t sitting with the rest of them.
Anna found that most of the time, it was easier to just be alone.
Sometimes she wished that she could just run away into the woods, and live out an independent existence somewhere in the world. No one to listen to, no people to hurt.
To just…exist.
Yet even then, she’d still be hurting people. Because the only way to actually protect the people she loved would be to die.
She knew that she should just get it over with. After all, it needed to happen eventually, and she might as well do it before things got worse. But even after all this time, even after seeing her friends die right in front of her, there was still that stubborn little voice in the back of her head that commanded her to live.
It was disgusting how much she wanted to live, when she knew the cost of living meant others dying.
Their blood was on her hands.
You’re selfish. Evil. You don’t deserve the Potter name.
She sighed, plopping herself down on her bed as she rubbed her temples.
“Anna.” Boudica stared up at her, large dark eyes unflinching. “You’re upset.”
Sometime over the summer, their roles had somehow been reversed - Boudica becoming the all-knowing wise one and Anna her young cub. She supposed it had something to do with their difference of lifespan, but it unnerved her at times to know that the newborn kitten she found in the woods at the World Cup was far from the mature pather that stood before her.
“Because I don’t know what to do.” She laughed darkly, meeting Boudica’s gaze. “I have no purpose here. My art is meaningless, my relationships are nonexistent. And my life is the same.”
You're nothing.
Boudica’s eyes did not waver. “Every life in this world is significant. You were placed here for a reason.”
Truly, her only purpose in life was to die. To end Voldemort. Why did she think that she deserved to live when so much more was at stake?
But she only sighed, dropping her hands into her lap as she managed a weak smile. “Maybe you’re right. Thank you, Boudica.”
Boudica merely nodded, nuzzling her face into Anna’s open palm.
She laid back in her bed and exhaled deeply.
There has to be more to this. I have to be more than this.
Still, a tear slipped down her cheek.
Because deep down inside, that little girl who believed in magic and happiness had withered away long ago.
It was the same part of her that allowed her to believe in hope - to help others who couldn't help themselves and to protect those who needed to be protected.
And she didn't know what was left.
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Lillian 'Anna' Potter || Half-Blood Prince
Fanfiction"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IT FEELS TO KNOW YOU'LL NEVER BE ENOUGH?" It was revealed by J.K Rowling that when Lily Potter originally died, she was with child. What if Lily had her second child before Voldemort showed up at their house in Little W...
