The Jade Malfoy Book 2: Order of the Phoenix

Chapter 31

     It takes another day for Narcissa to be able to face Ursa. She knocks on Ursa's door. "Please open the door." She begs. Ursa gets up and unlocks the door. Ursa opens the door slowly. One look us all it takes for tears to come to Narcissa's eyes. "I'm sorry." Narcissa steps forward and hugs Ursa. Ursa doesn't return the hug. "I'm so sorry." Narcissa releases Ursa and cups her cheeks. "You could never disappoint me or let me down." Ursa scoffs and pulls her face from Narcissa's hands before taking a few steps back.

     "I wish I could believe you." Ursa says as Narcissa steps into the room and closes the door.

     "Ursa, you can do things that are disappointing but I will never, ever be fully be disappointed by you or stay disappointed."

     "I'm sorry. I really do wish I could believe you but the way you reacted with my friends..."

     "I was caught off guard. I never expected you to befriend them."

     "It's not my fault the 'right' people didn't want to be my friend or even fake it. And that doesn't explain Christmas."

     "I was angry you left. I was hurt that you did not want to spend Christmas with us and I overreacted."

     "I wanted to spend Christmas at a place where no one hated me. A place where I actually felt somewhat welcome. It's not my fault people in the manor hate me."

     "Who hates you?"

     "You know exactly who! Auntie and until yesterday I thought Father did too. I do not do what she wants me to do so she hates me."

     "She does not hate you."

     "She hates me and honestly I know the only reason she hasn't killed me yet is that you would never forgive her."

     "Cub she does not want to kill you."

     "No she does. I know she does. Wanna know how I know? Because she's told me. 'You are lucky Narcissa would never forgive me if I killed you.' 'You are lucky your mother loves you.' 'If only Cissy did not love you.'"

     "She... she really said that?"

     "Yeah." Narcissa sighs and holds the parchment up.

     "Do you really believe all of this?"

     "Honestly? A little. I mean some of the things including Father have changed." Narcissa's heart visibly breaks and Ursa snatches the parchment from her hand. Ursa slowly walks towards the couch as she speaks. "I mean you said you were disgusted by me. Bella's told me I would be dead if not for you. Father and you have both said I am a disappointment and embarrassment." Ursa sits on the couch. "I'm not wrong about what happens to black sheep. I don't understand why my friends like me. So yeah I believe it." Narcissa sits down next to Ursa as tears fall down Ursa's face. "I just want it to stop."

     "The last thing on this list..." Tears come to Narcissa's eyes. "You, you don't really think that do you? That we would be better off without you?" Ursa doesn't respond. She pulls her knees to her chest and rests her chin between them. "You do."

     "I just want to be happy, but people make it impossible. The life I was given makes it impossible."

     "Ursa-"

     "You said it yourself that you do not care if my friends make me happy. I don't want to lose Dray but I don't want to lose my friends. I don't know what to do. The two of the people I trust enough to go to for help or advice are biased and one- hates me. I just want to be happy." Tears stream down Narcissa's face as she stays silent. "So yeah, I think you all would be better off without me and I think I would be better off somewhere else or dead. But I can't leave him. I can't leave Draco, so I'm stuck here. Stuck here hating my life. Stuck only staying alive for Draco."