And so starts the playing with the skull heads. And Buck acting more like a nut then he was acting before. But at least he's pretty entertaining. They'll never survive it's dangerous by day. These skulls were kind of like puppets, like he was putting on a show for us, and we were the audience. But he had no idea what we were getting ourselves into when we signed up with our death wish.
But it's even worse at night, the second skull puppet said. Plus their guide is a lunatic! The first one said. What? You mean Buck? He's wacko! The second one agreed. Totally bonkers. The first one agreed. I am not! Buck defended. And his feet smell, the one on his foot claimed. As he argued with his foot, strangling it as if the skull on his foot were alive.
I worried for my brothers sanity if he were to stay here. We thought it was better if we kept moving, but the skulls were right we'd risk giving Rudy a midnight snack. And as soon as the show was over we all sat around the campfire, and listened to Buck's outrageous ridiculous stories not sure how true if any were true. He told us about how he first encountered Rudy, how he got a tooth but lost his eye, and once he was done he asked us if we wanted to hear a completely different just as ridiculous story.
Everybody liked everything about him. The only thing I didn't like about him was how impressed my brother was of him. That he wanted a life like his. Physical wounds heal eventually, emotional scars are always there to remind you. Come on Ellie you need your rest. Manny told her. We should all be going to bed, and getting our rest. We have a big day tomorrow. Don't worry Buck night time is possum time, we've got this.
No you don't I shuck my head at them, rolling my eyes, you'll say that, then be out like a light. Don't trust these morons Buck. Goodnight everyone. Nearly almost right away that's exactly what had happened, not even 5 mins into it and they were sound asleep. Don't worry Buck I'll be more than happy to stay up with you. I've got good practice doing that for days on end.
Diego is nearby as he tosses and turns trying to sleep, something that I know hasn't happened in quite sometime. Why do you want to do that? Supposedly we're supposed to be nocturnal animals anyways sleeping during the day hunting at night. That kind of thing. Night comes, my instincts kick in, my night vision turns on. I went to hunt, its in my blood its a part of me.
Why do you ask? It's just that you don't seem to like me very much. No, you got it all wrong its not that I don't Buck I think you're great. Well lay down tell uncle Buck what's eaten ya. I roll my eyes, but follow instruction. IDK how much you'd understand, but Diego's my older brother, our parents were killed by hunters when we were younger, before that Diego was in a pack, he always took care of me like a good caring older brother.
I was jealous, they had all his attention, I felt left out, that they were taking him away from me. He taught me how to hunt. I'm a perfect hunter. There was a time where I'd stayed awake for like a full month, living on vengeance, and what have you. Once our parents had died Diego changed, he followed the pack, and I learned to live, breath, sleep, eat with the pack, I was the only girl in the pack.
Had to look out for myself or else I'd die. You're the only other person that needs to know this story, and you didn't need to you wanted to. You got tell us your stories and now its my turn. One time I'd past out from lack of sleep, anytime I felt like crying I'd bite myself because it was a sign of weakness, and Diego and I were our previous leader's best warriors, he was his right hand, and he never followed rules, turned his back on everyone and everything.
One day there was a fire, we'd gotten into an argument and I'd ran away, once he saved me I told him if he saw me again to pretend like he hadn't I left on my own for 2 years, the only detail I had to give away who I was, was this burn mark on my tail from said fire. I brushed back my fur and showed him. I came back because humans were near the packs area, and I wanted to protect what was left of my family.
The leader sent me on a mission with Diego, but he had no idea I was me. That mission is how we met Sid and Manny. We were supposed to be the villains, but then we learned to be part of something again. We hated what we were supposed to do in the end because of that. My brother learned the truth and had promised not to kill me, we had to become friends all over again, I got to hear his side of what happened and him mine.
He never wanted me to leave his side again. He became overprotective, and tried to act like the big brother I'd grown up with. But? But, now that Ellie is pregnant he feels like he needs to go away and find his own adventure, he's an adventure kind of guy, but he's all I have left. I want to stay, but I want my brother more, to be with him, to stick with him.
So what's the problem? The problem is as brave as I seem, if Diego knew about any of them he'd probably "kill" me, but I get sad, and sometimes feel like crying, so instead I bite. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I'm not exactly made of stone, I've got feelings and emotions. I feel like because most of the emotions I've ever known for a long time now are anger, sadness, loneliness, vengeance so on and so forth, aside from the complicated feeling of love, that those are the only emotions I'm allowed to feel, except the feeling of sadness.
I'm a killer! I kill things! We kill things! It's in our blood, who we are.... It's not like he doesn't tell me he loves me. But what is love really? Just talking about this IDK if I'm supposed to feel angry or hurt, or sad, but all of them are for the weak, and I'm not supposed to be or I get killed. I can't let emotions get in the way of anything. They say if you love something set it free, if they come back it was always yours and if they don't they weren't yours to begin with.
Unintentionally Diego set me free, whether he wanted to or not he said he let me go because I asked him not follow me that he keeps his promises no matter what. I didn't think I was gonna come back, had it not been for the humans. Whether he still actually loved me or not I loved him, I wanted to protect what I had left of. And now?
Now, I want to be with my brother like I always will, but he likes it down here, he wants to be like you, dare I say it he's acting like Crash and Eddie, they warship you Buck. And yourself? I want to be with him, I love my brother, but this place is dangerous, too dangerous for my liking, I like it up there, I don't want to be here longer than I need to be, I came here for one purpose and one purpose only, if he stayed that would be it I'd probably never see him again.
It's not easy to get down here. Manny believes he'd go crazy in 3 weeks talking to himself or whatever. I thought maybe less because he'd be lonely, but I must admit its not him that would be, its me. Look, here's what I've learned, you can feel not lonely when you're by yourself, but even if your surrounded by people you can still feel alone. Or something like that. I'd have some kind of "family" dysfunctional and all, and we don't look or act like each other, but we treat each other like family, look after each other like family.
But Diego isn't like family to me, he biologically is. He's the only blood that I have left and I love him, despite that he tells me he loves me, I'm not sure I understand what that means, or if he's the one that really understands what that means, in other words, I don't have to worry about him leaving me for a girl tiger, even if he doesn't leave me for staying down here instead of coming back with us but because he doesn't love anything, nothing but adventure.
He'll say its not true, that he loves me, and would tell me that I shouldn't be up that I should be sleeping, but we'd argue about it, and I'd run off into trouble. I couldn't tell you why I do that. Running away won't fix my problems, and I'm sure he'd come after me unless I told him not to, but the last time he did that I didn't see him for two years. But I love him and I'd let him go, I'd let him stay no matter how much I'd miss him, no matter how much I love him. I understand, I'm not sure he's using that word properly, that, that word doesn't mean what he thinks it means.
A love for friends, and kin and lovers is different then the love for a family member. I'd always put him first then myself I thought I'd slow him down, didn't want to be a burden on him, thought he needed his space, and I needed mine. Older siblings don't want their younger siblings around when they're with their friends, and typically vice versa. We're both lone "wolves" always have been always will be, at least after our parents died, and then everything changed.
The pack took Diego away from me first, the humans took my parents away from both of us, I left, the pack left, we joined a heard, much better than any pack, but now this place is taking Diego away from me, I know its not your intention Buck, but unfortunately by association that means so are you. But, I'd let him go, he never follows rules does whatever he wants, if this is what he wants I'll support it, I won't like it but I'll support it, even if that means I'm left heartbroken, and lonely without him.
I don't mean to vent to vent to about all of this, its hard to make someone understand when its clear you two have a lot in common. Let me ask this.... Do you have some kind of family? No, I don't remember what its like to have one. See, I can't make you understand. Hold up, its ok for you to vent tiger I asked. I feel like I'm being a big baby about the whole thing, making something out of nothing. Acting like a selfish brat, just wanting my brother all the time, to be with me, but you have to remember I'm letting him go, and if he comes back I'll know.
I don't think you're being selfish, you thought you were doing these things for him, you're sacrificing your happiness for his. You think you're a burden to him. I don't cry, I kill, I typically don't argue, I just go out and hunt. I don't feel emotions.... Or at least I'm not supposed too. But if I'm being 100% honest right now there's never been another time in my life where I wanted to cry so much, and then pretend that everything was fine. And I'm not even sure if I'd be crying out of anger or sadness or regret or what have you. But I'm not going to, I'll just bottle it all up and wait till I can go and hunt, or need to fight so that I can take it out on pray, or enemies.
You know what? I-I think I am gonna go to sleep. Night Buck. Goodnight Farrah he whispers petting me like a pet. Which feels great, since I've never been pet before. I mean I'm used to being abused, and being on my own, fending for myself. I wanted this, I became this way. From that old life I once knew, I have someone that seems to love me, or at the very least care about me in some fashion. I guess I just don't want it to all end. To go from whatever this is, back to my human form, and worried what will happen to me once everything is over, if I go back to my human form, back to my abused life.
When I leave for good, if something made it happen that I was no longer part of this life, the story would go back to how it was originally written, it would be like I never even existed, except that life shouldn't exist, none of us should know about my human life, those memories should all be replaced. But warning again, be careful what you wish for you might just get you what you wanted, and sometimes its not what you wanted after all.
If this were a movie after that whole scene the camera would've panned to said older brother with a frown on his face and the audience going aw sadly. His eyes were open, he wasn't asleep, he could've stopped me at anytime, but listened. Not that he was ever gonna tell me, until he thought the time was right. DT: I need to fix this.
I'd gone off to go to sleep. I've always done that. To me, I wouldn't had known he heard all of that, maybe I would've just thought he'd woken up, saw me alone and came to sleep next to me. Buck watched, as he came over to me, saw my face with the frown still on it with my eyes closed fast asleep. He'd watched as he wrapped a paw around me, Buck had this sweet kind of awe look on his face as he watched.
BT: So, that's what its like to be part of a family. Makes me wish I had one. He pet me again, and continued to watch all night looking for Rudy. He was sure he'd encounter him again.
