All this Time

Gabby

19th January.

Nathan drives us to mom's house and I do my best not to think about how this feels like such a family thing to do. The radio is on, I'm in the passenger seat, Lydia is in her booster in the back.

She softly hums along to an Adele song and I keep catching Nathan peeping in the rear view mirror with a smile.

I think about how he was brushing her hair earlier, letting her chat to him while he stood there with intense focus and a furrowed brow, as if he was dedicated to brushing her hair perfectly. He had no idea I was watching, but I was, watching with more longing than I had a right to.

Lydia's definitely taken a liking to him and he has a lot of patience for her. Which I'm grateful for, because we couldn't have lived with him if they didn't get along.

We stop at the diner and get burgers for lunch, per Lydia's request. Nathan opted for a pasta salad instead. He's always been a health nut but he never pushes that on anyone else.

When mom sent the text this morning, asking if I would bring Lydia to see her, I'd wanted to tell her no and I've never felt like that before. What made it worse was Lydia making it clear she had no interest in seeing mom. I understood that and I never wanted to force people on her life, relative or not.

My skin tingles when I remember Nathan holding me in his bedroom, how he'd run his hands up and down my back, comforted me, wiped my tears. I should've felt embarrassed, but I didn't. He'd found the perfect way to help us get to mom's this morning and as we pulled up to her house, I still couldn't believe he'd volunteered his time like that.

We walk up to the door, Nathan holds the bag of food and Lydia kicks snow on the footpath. I open the door and mom is vacuuming. She quickly flicks it off with her slippered foot. Leggings cling to her firm legs and her hoodie swallows her up.

"Hey, my girls," she smiles at me, so I return it. I'm not going to be hostile unless she gives me a reason to be.

Lydia gives her a hug, but she doesn't say hello. It's probably a good thing we moved out when we did, mom was at risk of alienating Lydia with the way she was going. Mom looks past me at Nathan who comes in last and closes the door behind him. Her brow furrows. I hadn't mentioned he'd be coming.

"Hey, Ms Laurel," he takes his boots off at the door. "How's it going?"

Mom looks at me, her expression curious as she answers, "Good. How are you, Nathan?"

"Same old, same old," he ditches his coat when I take the bag of food from him. He's wearing a hoodie and slacks that hug his thighs. He wears short sleeves at home because the fire keeps us warm. I told him that wouldn't be the case here.

"We made a squirrel house," Lydia tells mom. "Nathan and me."

Mom takes Lydia's hand and leads her into the kitchen, gesturing for me to follow. "Did you? Tell me all about it, sweetheart."

Lydia does tell her all about it. She blabbers on while I get plates out of the cupboard and set the kitchen table. Nathan sidles up to me while I'm unboxing the food and leans in close.

"Can I help?"

Looking up, I smile and try not to stare at his thick lashes and familiar mouth. "You're doing enough by being here."

He leans back against the counter next to me and slips his hands into his pockets, watching.

"You okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

As I'm putting Lydia's burger onto a plate, a little bit of sauce drips onto my finger. I quickly stick it in my mouth and lick it off. Looking up, I find Nathan focused on my lips, finger still between them. His jaw flutters and my stomach bottoms out.