Soukoku : I Hate You But I Love You

UnChapter : Mermaids Tears

Chuuya's POV

How long has it been since we first met?
Your smile and your actions that seem to annoy me everytime.
I might act like I hate it but... I don't.
I don't hate it at all.

However, even if I wanted to be close to you.
To be with you all the time.
Faith doesn't allow me to.
And even if I found a way for me to get close to you, I was afraid of what's going to happen next.

Because, I am not what you see.
There's an entity inside of me that's uncontrollable, and everytime I get close to you, the fear of me losing control over it and hurting you, makes me want to stay away as possible.

So I am glad that you left, you even told me before that I shouldn't use those powers without you around,

but...
What hurts so much, is that you said those words but you were leaving.
It hurts so much that I wanted to die along this entity inside of me.
Am I just a sacrifice to control this uncontrollable being? Is it really my faith just to suffer?

If not, why?
Why was I choosen, do I have not a choice to be normal being together with him?
But I shouldn't have thought of that.

We met again, but it feels different from back then.
You changed, you're more brighter than before.
There was not taint of despair in your eyes anymore.
As if you already thrown all the bad memories away.
Does my memories with you included in those?

Dazai, I know when you read this letter I am already gone.
Sunk in the Ocean crying that I haven't seen your face again.
I miss you, Partner.
If there was an Afterlife. let's Meet again.

.....

"Chuuya, you Idiot" Dazai said after reading Chuuya's letter.

Atsushi came to pick him up but mesmerized by the beautiful blue ocean. "Dazai san I was wondering why they called this waters, Mermaids Tears?"

Dazai laughed and look at the blue waters, reminding him the eyes of his partner. "Because there was a mermaid who had blue eyes who cried in the sea, and for the reason the mermaid was crying because, he cannot be with his beloved who walks on land"

'just like Chuuya being a mermaid and Arahabaki as the Ocean... And the person the mermaid loves was...'

"Me"

"What did you say?" Atsushi briefly heard Dazai's word.

"Nothing, lets just go back Atsushi"

Chuuya's hat is floating in the shallow waters where Verlaine saw it and pick it up. He saw Dazai in the distance and watch them as they go.