MY BEST FRIEND IS A SECRET AGENT, Book 3: How C.H.I.P. Took on C.H.I.M.P. and...

Chapter 1: "Chip for President!"

Two weeks earlier...

Supersecret Blog #7927: Chip and I were on the top of the world yet again.

Dr. Eelstrom was spending his days in a very dry prison cell, and Vortville was saved from a very waterlogged future, thanks to C.H.I.P. – and me! Add that to our previous take-down of Seth Mindwarp and the Freaky Fuzzies (plus some minor heroics involving The Big Cheese and Pinky), and we felt there was nothing we couldn't do.

So we decided to run for President!

No, not that President (for now, at least). We decided to run Chip for Student Body President of Vortville Middle School! Sure, it was C.H.I.P., not Chip, who had saved the town, but we couldn't exactly put "the hero guy" on the ballot. After all, people still didn't know that C.H.I.P. was actually Chip, the guy who could stuff fifteen Twinkies in his mouth. But, we figured, if we could pull off the whole C.H.I.P. thing, saving the town from one wacky bad guy after another, then we could surely win a silly school election.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Here's Nort yet again forcing his grand ambitions on his unsuspecting best friend, Chip. It's Nort who wants to be Student Body President, not Chip. But Nort realizes that's he's too unpopular to win an election in a school where most people don't even know his name, so instead he's running his best friend, Chip, who everybody knows and loves, because he'll do anything on a dare.

Then, when Chip wins, Nort will control him from behind the scenes like a puppet master... allowing me to finally wield the power I've craved for years!

Well, if that's what you're thinking, you're wrong! I just wanted what was best for the school. Sure, I figured I'd be sort of an unofficial advisor to Chip, if he won. You know, just to help my best buddy out, in case the job got too hard for him. I mean, politics is a tough business, and Chip has always been a bit of a softie. He needed someone like me to keep him focused on getting important things done, like, I don't know, updating the equipment in science class... or crushing our enemies!

Um... did I say that out loud?

I meant, sacrificing ourselves for the student body of Vortville Middle School to make it the best middle school ever!

But, before we could get to all that cool sacrificing and stuff, we had to win. And we knew winning wouldn't be easy, especially since Chip was running against my actual enemy. That's right, Chip was sharing the ticket with none other than...

Gert von Brugen!

Now, if you think Gert von Brugen was always a little obsessed with trying to out-science me in science class and science fairs and stuff, that's nothing compared to how much she wanted to beat Chip (and me) in the race for Student Body President. She'd always been the master of dirty tricks like sabotaging my chemistry experiments and secretly changing my supercomplicated equations on the chalkboard. But now, she just let her sneaky little mind run loose.

She called Chip "Chip off the old blockhead" in all her campaign speeches.

She printed up fake campaign ads, supposedly made by Chip and me, threatening that Chip would belch in everybody's face if they didn't vote for him.

She even claimed that I, Chip's campaign manager, was responsible for the untimely demise of Nibbles the hamster from science class!

(Actually, Nibbles ate all the marshmallows we keep in the science closet to demonstrate the concept of burning calories. Last year, Chip ate all the marshmallows, but it just gave him a tummy ache.)

But none of Gert's tricks worked. No matter how much she tried to smear Chip, people just liked him more than Gert. And when I realized that, I just kicked back and let Chip do his thing, knowing that he was a shoo-in to win the election. I didn't even complain when he started promising everybody chili cheeseburgers for lunch every day in the cafeteria and mud puddles in the middle of the football field to make the games more fun.

Sure, these weren't things I would've said, but everybody was eating it up, cheering Chip on wherever he went. And I just watched from afar, knowing there was nothing Gert could do to catch up in the polls. I mean, I figured she'd have to do something completely unexpected to get the students to stop rooting for Chip and start looking at her.

So... she bought a monkey.