MY BEST FRIEND IS A SECRET AGENT, Book 3: How C.H.I.P. Took on C.H.I.M.P. and...

Chapter 10: "To the Man Cave!"

Gert von Brugen milked her new-found publicity for all it was worth.

She and the chimp sat atop a parade float on Vortville Day, waving to the crowd of screaming admirers.

They visited the sick kids at Vortville Children's Hospital, the chimp making funny faces and spelling out "GET WELL SOON" in big letters on the wall.

Mayor Mooney even gave Gert the key to the city for being such a do-gooder. "I've been blessed in my life with my superbig brain," Gert said on a news report from City Hall, "so Chimp von Brugen and I just love giving back to the community."

I couldn't take it anymore. I turned off the TV, turned off my phone and tried to bury myself in my work. I had to repair the Super Sun Glider. I had to invent more gadgets for C.H.I.P. And, most importantly, I had to get the C.H.I.P. 2.0 microthingy working again. So I stayed locked in my basement HQ, working day and night.

After a while, people started to worry about me. Stella offered to help me, but I turned her down. Chip came by to cheer me up - he'd been perfecting a new kind of underarm fart - but I told him to go home. Even my mom tried to entice me out by slipping a really thin pizza under the basement door. (The pepperonis were just 270 microns thick!)

Finally, it was Dad's turn to try to break me out of the basement. "Nort," he said through the door, "whenever I'm feeling low, I do forty squats, twenty clean and jerks and fifty one-handed push-ups, and I'm good as new."

I thanked Dad for the advice, but I didn't think that was going to work for me, especially since I couldn't even do one one-handed push-up, and I didn't know what the other stuff was. "Besides," I said, "I'm fine down here, all by myself. With Mom sliding me the superthin pizzas, I've got everything I need. I mean, who really needs other people... and school... and sunlight... and showers... and clean underwear?"

But, as I was saying this, I took a look at myself in the mirror. Even in the dim light of the basement, I could see I wasn't looking good. My teeth were turning green, my hair was starting to fall out, and I could kind of see through my skin. I was becoming a cave creature!

This had gone on long enough. So Gert von Brugen beat me at the science fair. So her chimp was saving the town from wacky bad guys instead of C.H.I.P. But I'd been in tougher binds than this before. I was Nort Foster McKrakken! I could dig myself out of this rut.

The first thing I had to do was finally get the C.H.I.P. 1.0 microthingy back from Gert and the chimp. I flung the basement door open, ready to get to work - and instantly covered my eyes from the brightness of daylight. Peering out between my fingers, I could see my mom, dad and Stella staring at me with a look of shock. And pity. They were also plugging their noses.

So I headed upstairs for a shower. And clean underwear.