MY BEST FRIEND IS A SECRET AGENT, Book 3: How C.H.I.P. Took on C.H.I.M.P. and...

Chapter 28: "Taking One for the Team"

So I did what I wanted to do earlier: I ran!

No, I didn't run off screaming in fear, I ran back to the C.H.I.P.-mobile. (I may be a coward, but I have principles!) There, I pulled out the animal secret agent gadget that I'd been saving for when things got really desperate: the Turbo Tail. You may have been wondering all this time why I never turned C.H.I.P. into a chimp. It's 'cause I figured C.H.I.P. wasn't going to be able to out-chimp C.H.I.M.P., not matter how cool a chimp C.H.I.P. was, so I might as well stick with him becoming other animals. But now I was desperate, so I had to give it a shot. And, wearing the Turbo Tail, C.H.I.P. the chimp might just be C.H.I.M.P.'s match.

But then I noticed something else in the C.H.I.P.-mobile, and it gave me an even better idea. I grabbed it in one hand and the Turbo Tail in the other, and I ran back to Chip and the rest of the team.

Once I got back to the primate cage, I quickly turned C.H.I.P. from a chameleon into a kangaroo. C.H.I.P. the kangaroo jumped up high and grabbed Gert von Brugen from the tree where she was still being guarded by the silverback gorilla. "Put me down, you marsupial maniac!" she screamed. But C.H.I.P. ignored her and jumped up again and kicked the gorilla right in the face, knocking him flat on his silverback. And before the hairy beast could get back up and grab C.H.I.P., he had carried Gert right out of the primate cage and slammed the door behind him.

"What's the big idea?" Gert snapped when C.H.I.P. dropped her at my feet.

I handed her the cone-of-shame. That's right, that's what I'd gotten from the C.H.I.P.-mobile along with the Turbo Tail, the cone-of-shame that Chip wore earlier when he injured his arm. "It's up to you to save Vortville," I said to Gert. Sure, Dad and Carla were still doing their best to hold off the animals, but C.H.I.M.P. was howling away on top of the primate cage again, getting all the animals all riled up. It sounded like their march on Vortville was about to begin. We needed to turn off this monkey! It was the only way to save our fair town, and Gert was the only one who could turn him off for good.

"Save Vortville? With this stupid thing?" she said, looking over the simple plastic cone with a hole in it. "I don't even own a dog!"

"When Chip was wearing it, it messed up my phone app's ability to control the C.H.I.P. 2.0 microthingy on his tooth," I explained. "Right now, I can't control the C.H.I.P. 1.0 microthingy in C.H.I.M.P.'s collar. But maybe if he wears the cone-of-shame, it'll actually help me take control of the microthingy and finally shut him down."

"Well, why should I shut him down?" Gert protested. "He's my creation. He's an example of my genius! And why should I want to save Vortville? What's Vortville ever done for me?"

"You should shut him down and save Vortville because... you've already proven you're smarter than me," I said, swallowing my pride.

Gert's eyes lit up. "I'm... smarter than you?"

"It's obvious. You created a wacky bad guy who I can't stop. It's the ultimate science fair project, and you've won First Prize."

Gert thought about this. "You're right. I am smarter than you! And you admitted it! You finally admitted I'm smarter than you!"

I hope you realize that I didn't believe a word of what I was saying. I was just trying to get Gert to help out and save Vortville. And if giving her that moment of success she'd desperately craved her whole life was what it took to save our fair city, then it was worth all the groveling I could grovel.

"Well, if I'm smarter than you," Gert continued, "then why should I do anything you want me to do? I'm going to let C.H.I.M.P. take over the town, how about that?!"

"But he locked you up!" I protested. "You no longer have any control over him!"

"I don't care!" she insisted. "The important thing is, I'm smarter than you, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

I started to realize that my plan had failed. I'd hoped that, once I admitted Gert was smarter than me, she'd finally do the right thing. But it just made her even more power-mad than before. Now there was truly no way to stop C.H.I.M.P. from taking over Vortville. And Gert von Brugen was going to be right behind him, cheering him on!

But then I noticed a wistful look come over Gert. As C.H.I.M.P. was gathering his animal army together for a mass assault on Vortville, Gert was doing some deep thinking. "What's this empty feeling I have inside?" she asked herself. "This should be the best day of my life. But, instead, I feel like something's missing. After all this time, I've finally beaten Nort McKrakken. I've finally won. But why isn't that enough?"

I resisted suggesting that she had an empty feeling inside because she had no heart! But I kind of knew that wouldn't exactly help the situation.

Then Gert had a moment of realization. "I know," she said to me. "What's missing is my hate for you, Nort McKrakken! Now that you've finally admitted that I'm smart and you're dumb, I no longer have anything to prove. I no longer have a reason for being!" Then, almost in a panic, she said "Nort McKrakken, will you be my science fair rival again?"

"Yes," I said, "but only if you help me stop C.H.I.M.P."

"Deal," she said, finally smiling. "It feels so good to hate you again!" Then she looked at the cone-of-shame in her hand. "But how am I going to get this thing on him if he won't even let anybody get close enough to take off his collar?"

"I know," Carla chimed in. "He said he's king of the jungle, right?"

"King of the world," I reminded her.

"I want to be king of the world," Chip said. "Then I can wear one of those fuzzy crown things!"

"Exactly," Carla said. "Just tell the chimp that the cone-of-shame is a crown because he's king of the world, and he'll let you put it right on him without a fight."

I knew there was a reason why I loved Carla. Brains to match her beauty. And top-notch knife-handling skills too!