MY BEST FRIEND IS A SECRET AGENT, Book 3: How C.H.I.P. Took on C.H.I.M.P. and...

Chapter 14: "Experimenting with C.H.I.P."

We ended up back in my basement again. But this time, I had a plan.

It was a bold plan. Some might call it rash. Some might even call it reckless, nutty and dangerous. But we were forced to try anything because the fate of Vortville was at stake. We were facing a very different sort of wacky bad guy, one who was totally unpredictable, one who couldn't be reasoned with. And it was doubly bad since it was my technology, the C.H.I.P. 1.0 microthingy, that gave him his awesome powers!

So my plan was to use an untested feature of my new technology, the C.H.I.P. 2.0 microthingy, to neutralize my old technology.

Remember when C.H.I.P. took on the skills of a dolphin in order to stop Dr. Eelstrom from dunking Vortville? It totally blew my mind since it was the first time C.H.I.P. was able to acquire animal skills.

Anyway, after we stopped Dr. Eelstrom back then, I was superexcited to try out C.H.I.P. with not only new animal skills but also insect skills and even plant skills. And now was my chance!

First, I programmed C.H.I.P. to have the skills of a horse. Suddenly, C.H.I.P. was on all fours, prancing around HQ, rearing up like a real horse! He even kicked a box of Christmas ornaments across the room. (I'm still trying to figure out how to explain the broken ornaments to my mom. Maybe I'll talk her into thinking that Christmas trees are bad for the environment.)

Next, I gave C.H.I.P. spider skills. He stayed on all fours, but this time, he crept really close to the ground, and he even climbed up the wall! I wondered how that was possible. Did he actually develop sticky legs like a spider? I mean, was the C.H.I.P. 2.0 actually changing Chip's DNA to non-human?

I got my answer when he tried to crawl on the ceiling. He couldn't hold on, and he crashed down on top of the box of Christmas ornaments. (Good thing they were already smashed.) I deduced that C.H.I.P. was remaining human, he was just able to master non-human skills with his human body.

That was kind of a shame because I was really looking forward to him spinning a web.

It was time to try plant skills on C.H.I.P., so I had him become a Venus flytrap. Suddenly, he was snapping at flies in the basement with his big mouth just hanging open, attracting the bugs with his horrible breath. (I guess it was all those sardine sandwiches he eats for lunch.)

I was thrilled. The C.H.I.P. 2.0 microthingy really was a major leap forward in C.H.I.P. technology.

But then things started to get a little out of hand. Okay, a lot out of hand.

First of all, after C.H.I.P. the Venus flytrap ate a couple flies, he got really hungry and swallowed Stella's Ladybug Drone! Stella went bonkers, even though it was really cool seeing the inside of Chip's stomach with the drone's camera.

Anyway, I switched C.H.I.P. back to Chip, and Chip quickly spit up the drone. (It took Stella two hours to clean off the little thing with tiny brushes.)

After that, I decided to play it safe and just program C.H.I.P. to be a dog. But that didn't go too well either. Just when I was testing his smelling skills, he spotted a squirrel outside and took off after it, chasing it up a tree. I tried to entice him with a bone, but he just kept jumping up and down for the squirrel, finally tumbling over and scraping his arm really badly.

He even needed stitches. At the vet. Then he had to wear one of those cone-of-shame things to keep him from licking his wound - and this was after I'd turned him back into normal Chip.

I decided to give the animal skill thing one last try. But I had to take off the cone-of-shame first - it was fooling with the transmission of commands from my phone! Anyway, this time I made him C.H.I.P. the pigeon.

Big mistake on my part. He couldn't fly, no matter how hard he tried. But he was able to do the other thing that pigeons are famous for doing.

That's right. Yech!

It looked like I was going to have to keep searching for the perfect animal for C.H.I.P. to turn into. After I cleaned up the mess.