paper boats | kentaro kyotani x reader

twelve

lol

twelve

.•°⛵ °•.
in remembrance
°•. ⛵️ .•°

one week later.

i've been up for 5 hours. i woke up in the middle of the night and was too scared to go back to sleep.

i haven't checked my phone.

i know all too well what day it is, but i don't want to see the confirmation.

i got up and looked at myself in the mirror.

my eye bags were particularly dark today, my hair was tousled and there's dried up tears on my face.

all in all, i look like shit.

i trudged out my room and down the hallway to the mother's office,

only to see that shoda was already in there. he had the candles and small knick-knacks taro and i picked up for him set up neatly.

his usually-neat hair was tangled. his clothes were messy and in his shaky hands was a picture of her.

i froze in place listening to his sniffles and muffled sobs.

i started to shut the door when he looked in my direction, realizing i was there. he dropped the photo and rubbed his face, smiling.

"y/n. i didn't realize you were up so early." he said ruefully and gave a hollow chuckle.

i pressed my lips together. he's trying to hide the fact that he was crying.

he smiled again, this time 'happier'.

"i'm sorry, i haven't cooked yet. let's see what to have for breakfast." he started to get up.

i don't know why, but i got angry. he's trying to hide it.

i hate that.

"you don't have to hide your feelings from me shoda. i know what day it is. i know you love her. i know you miss her. don't hold it in." i choked out the last sentence.

he paused next to me. "y/n.."

"please. don't try to be strong for me." my voice cracked.

he sighed.

"i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. i should've done more. i should've watched her health more, there's so much i wanted to do with her — with all of us. as a family." he collapsed to the floor, tears starting up again. i gave him a hug.

"shoda.. there's nothing to apologize for. it's okay." i had to fight back the tears.

i continued,

"i know you miss her. i miss her too. i miss her everyday. don't blame yourself. she doesn't blame you. no one blames you. it just happened."

his sobs slowed down after a few minutes.

"i'm sorry. you shouldn't have had to do that for me. let's go eat, yeah?" he walked out of the room.

i sighed. he needs to let go of the idea that he needs to suck up his feelings.

we ate in silence, making eye contact on occasion and internally grimacing at how mopey and pitiful we looked.

i went up to my room leaving him alone at the table. i flinched when i heard my alarm to start getting ready for school go off.

fuck that.

i've been absent for the past three or four days. i guess i miss everyone, but mostly i don't care. they're fine without me.

i didn't bother to text anyone. i haven't texted anyone — except a few sentences to kentaro — since my last day of school.