Kiara Parker doesn't understand why her nights are suddenly taken over by multiple nightmares all at once. While juggling her school exhibition, a hot boy, work, family and friendship all at once, she tries to make sense of them. As terrifying memor...
"You are probably wondering why you are listening to me. Why today? Why in an old-fashioned cassette? Well, to answer your second question, I wanted you to listen to my voice. Remember it. Know it. Because I am your mother. And a mother is forever. Also, because I had two of these tapes laying around. The perfect number for you and Drew."
"To answer your first question," She pauses, "Well, I'm not sure, sweetie. Why today? Because you're not a small child anymore? Because today is the day you're listening this tape? Because today is... today? I'm not really sure why I'm recording this for you, because you don't need this, you don't need me but I'm sure I'll come up with an excuse for wanting you to listen to me."
"By the time you're listening to this, I'm dead. You either have a lot of questions in mind, or you've done your research and you know everything. Either way, I believe you should know why you are listening to my recorded voice today instead of my real one from me."
"September the twenty eighth. That's when he died. That's the day you and your father had gone out to the carnival. Drew and I stayed back because Drew had fallen sick but you wanted to go more than anyone else. The two of you got into the car. You and Benji. You were hungry, you wanted some food. Benji got out of the car and brought you your favourite candy. He never got into his car again. He-"
Her voice breaks off.
"I was devastated. Everything had gone so, so wrong. I blamed myself for telling Benji to buy you that candy beforehand because I wanted you to have your perfect day. I blamed that truck driver. I even went as far as to blame you. It took me a lot of time to realize it wasn't anybody's fault, baby. It just...was. There isn't anything anyone could've done about it. The only thing I could do to support our little family of three then was take small jobs like waitressing, cashiering, even dirty jobs but nothing paid enough. We lived such a horrible life. A terrible one. But your life won't be like this anymore. It'll be better. The idea of living like this forever scares me so much."
"So, I'm about to kill myself." She laughs, "Sounds so straightforward. But it's true. For you and Drew. You two are such beautiful, sweet children, I'm sure you will get adopted soon. You'll live a better life with a loving parents and hopefully new siblings. And it is about to be so amazing to feel loved."
"I am proud of you, Kiara. I'll never get to know the young lady you've become but I am proud nonetheless. Because if you're listening today, it means that you've survived. You've survived everything bad in life, and there is so much of it. You survived. Something I couldn't do. And I'm so, so proud."
"But surviving isn't always enough. Look out the window, look at the lights, the clouds, the buildings, and think about all you can do in this life. There's just so much to do. And anytime you ever feel hopeless and you just want to... end it, listen to me, you make your own future. Everything depends on you, Kiara. Always. There are going to be a lot of bad things happening to you, accept them. At least one day, when you're old and grey, you can tell everyone about all that has happened in your life. You can have a story to tell. Enjoy the bad things in life. I know it's not easy, but you have to try. Do whatever you want to do. Be free."
She takes a deep breath, "You know, we went to the thrift shop yesterday, you and I. You hid behind me the whole time. Standing between my legs, or quietly standing in a corner while holding your hands together. You've always been like this. Shy. Quiet. Always have wanted to blend into the background. But life isn't great for a chameleon at all. It's hell."
"Maybe you've stopped being like that now that you're a big girl, maybe you haven't. Stop trying to blend in. That's not a life. Walk on the streets like you're worth something, like you are destined for great things, because you are. There is so much waiting for you. Always. And anytime you feel like somebody is trying to bring you down, don't let them. I know it's not easy, baby, But you have to try. Try. Try for me."
"So that's it. This is it. This is goodbye, farewell, whatever you want to call it."
"And keep your chin up."
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