His Queen (18+)

Chapter XLIII

THE POET

And I'd sing a song, that'd be just ours
But I sang 'em all to another heart
And I wanna cry, I wanna learn to love
But all my tears have been used up

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CHAPTER XLIII

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A COUPLE DAYS later, I found myself standing outside in my backyard with the box of my mom's ashes in my hands. In the ground by my feet was a small hole just big enough for me to jump into and on either side of me was Anna and Pablo. After confiding in Eyra truly and showing her the letter, she had worked me through all the feelings of grief that I knew I would be forced to experience the second I decided to do this and even talked to Pablo to give him ways to support me through this.

Now there was nothing really left to do and so with no more excuses made to justify my bad habits, I got onto my knees and gently poured the ashes down into the hole making sure none floated away. I had always known that she wanted to be buried without a casket so she could give back to the universe what it gave to her and flowers would grow from the dust she would inevitably become. Unfortunately, her murder had been so gruesome that the only thing that could've been done was to cremate her. Still, that didn't deter me from carrying out her wish and laying her to rest in the place where I knew she would be most at peace.

Before I covered the ground up again, I stared out into the far distance, saying my last words to her and my last prayers for her before picking up a handful of dirt and pouring it over her ashes. As soon as I got up, one of the guards picked up a shovel and began shovelling the dirt back into the hole as I leaned against Pablo and let my mind drift off.

I was surprisingly okay. Maybe I could even say that I was better, but I didn't want to become too optimistic or hopeful. I was willing to accept the improvements I had already made without anymore disappointment. All I knew was that today, I was doing better than I was yesterday and that was progress. That was good enough progress for me.

I felt Anna's hand slip into mine as we all watched the make shift grave fill back up. In my other hand was the box her ashes used to reside in, making me wonder what to do with it now.

“You okay?” Pablo asked me as I stared out into the distance at nothing. Slowly, I turned to look at him, my eyes focusing on his before I let a small smile stretch across my lips and nodded.

“I am okay.” In that moment, I felt more okay than I had felt in my entire life. I felt free. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my back which made me question why my mom, even in her absence, seemed to be a hindrance in my growth. Instead of voicing my concern, I shook my head and turned around to begin walking back to the house. “We should head back in—”

Before I could finish the sentence I had intended to say, my eyes had fallen on something that made my breath hitch in my throat and my heart beat harder in my chest. Well, someone. He wasn't a something at all.

Pablo and Anna walked past me as I stood frozen in my spot, staring at him staring at me. Soon, they had both disappeared around the back of the house, leaving the both of us alone together.

Daniel slowly made his way towards me, the guilt and worry in his eyes becoming clearer and clearer the closer he came. Finally in front of me, he came to a stop, letting his eyes roam over my face while I tried to keep myself from bursting into a fresh set of tears. There was something about seeing him after so long that got me more emotional than I normal was.