Silent Love

| 5 |

Sidharth

"It's her," I mumbled lowly.

"who?"

"Shehnaaz," I said before my fingers started typing a reply.

'Mom and I are supposed to finalise the venue by 10 am tomorrow. Suppose I'll pick you at 11?'

'I'd be coming on my own. Just give me the address.'

I insist.'

She'd read the message but the three
dots that I'd hoped to see beside her profile photo didn't appear. Realising that she wasn't going to reply, I ended the conversation with another text,

Be ready by 11.'

"What'd she say?" Mahir asked.

Shehnaaz practised being passive-aggressive better than anybody I knew. I had always known her to remain calm and composed despite any stressful condition, and for a long time, I even admired it.

It was only now that I was realising the downside of such behaviour. Sometimes, it's just better to get yelled at; at least the outburst helps your conscience.

"She hates me," I groaned. "She's never going to forgive me for this."

"Do you think she'll come around though? She better, because this is your last shot."

"Tm not concerned if or not she'll marry me. Her parents will leave her no choice and that's not a good thing, Mahir, I hate doing this to her. Damn it, it looks like I'm exploiting her vulnerabilities to get what I want. What's worse,she probably thinks I'm doing this out of lust."

"Since when do you care about what others think about you?"

"I'm not bothered about what she thinks about me. I'm more concerned about how that's going to affect her. I hate that I'm leaving her no choice."

"Well, you don't have any other choice either. It has to be some girl and incidentally, she's your most easy target. Unfortunately for her, she's getting caught up in this mess."

"Your point?"

"I'm saying it could have been anyone. This is not a personal attack against her."

"I know."

"Then don't forget the fact that you're doing this to save millions of lives. This is not for nothing. Come on, Sidharth, you know our aim. I shouldn't have to remind you about it every time you're forced to do something morally wrong."

"I know!" I said impatiently. "I know and I remember everything. Just, let me bloody sulk alright? The whole point of our aim was to make sure nobody gets hurt. But we're also essentially jeopardizing her life so I can't say it's not counter-productive."

"The agency pledged their full security to her should she need it."

"That doesn't make up for anything and you know it. Damn it, you're saying that we're using her in an attempt to save a greater number of people. That's not how bargaining works."

"I know. But it's life and it's not fucking fair." Mahir scolded. "I need you to stay focused, Sidharth. This is not the time to regret or feel guilty. Think about why you're doing it and the rest is just necessary damage. It's unavoidable. If anything, worry about all the ways you can make this better for her. She might need it but there's no way in hell she's escaping this."

_____

Santokh and I had just finished our tea when I heard hurried footsteps on the staircase. Muffled noises followed soon after, and I could understand that the two voices belonged to Shehnaaz and her mother, Priyanka.

In many ways, Shehnaaz was the spitting image of her mother. Priyanka was a beautiful woman, but I always thought she was too serious. She rarely smiled, and the few times she did, it was most often not genuine. That was something Shehnaaz had inherited too, but Shehnaaz was far more sociable than her mother.

"oh, agayi tum," Santokh acknowledged his daughter's arrival as if to tell me, but I was already getting on my feet.

"I'm sorry, have you been waiting for long?" Shehnaaz said as she walked to me, and before I could answer, she got onto her toes to briefly peck me on the lips.

Taken aback, I stared at her in surprise. I was not expecting that.

Anyway, understanding that we were essentially engaged and had to pretend so, I cleared my throat and tried to restore normalcy. "Not long, don't worry," I smiled at her and then her at mother, "I even got to drink some tea."

"Good, shall we get going then?" "Yeah, of course." I nodded. "See you later, kids," Santokh called out.

Once we were out, shehnaaz mumbled slowly as we made our way to my car, "I'm sorry if that was weird. It's just-"

"I know," I quickly said to save her the trouble. I could notice that her cheeks were being to redden and I didn't want to make her feel more uncomfortable than she already was.

"Thanks," She nodded.

It was only after I hit the road did I wonder if she had the time to have breakfast. She was clearly in a hurry when I got into her house and I had arrived much earlier than 11. Naturally, I wouldn't be surprised if that forced her to alter her plans.

"Did you have breakfast?" I asked.

She peeled her eyes off the road to now address me, "No, but I'm-"

"Great, neither have I. We'll just pick something on our way."

I had already had breakfast but that was the only way I could've made her agree without trouble. She could be incredibly difficult when it came to things of this sort and I couldn't always be bothered to keep up with her.

"Won't we be late? When's Shanaya expecting us?"

"12." I said, "We're ahead of schedule. Mom and I finished work quicker earlier this morning, so I arrived early to pick you up. Hope it wasn't a terrible inconvenience."

"No, I appreciate it." She sighed, "I was waiting to get out of there as soon as possible."

I didn't think she wanted me to hear the last part as her voice was barely above a whisper, but I did anyway. Not knowing how to carry the conversation from here, I simply turned on the music.

"You didn't have to pick me up," She then said, "My father's going to bore you every time you visit. I'd rather save you the pain."

"I don't mind," I said, "It's only fair. You had dinner with my folks last night."

"That's different. Your parents are amazing." she said, "I had a good time last night."

"Did you?"

"Yeah. Why? Did I give out the wrong message?" She asked, "They don't hate me, do they?

"No, they adore you," I sighed, "That's not a problem"

____

"Let us live like flowers wild and beautiful and drenched in sun."