Desirable justice

Partners in crime

As I try closing my eyes to fall to sleep I can't. My head is filled with way to many unanswered questions and I don't know whether to get the fuck out of here whilst I still can or give Alice a chance. It's so funny how a few weeks ago I was the one chasing her thinking she was just a lawyer with an eye for seeing people for who they are and not caring but I was very mistaken.

Turning over on my right side I stare at the back of Alice's head her long dark hair cascading perfectly down her back. It's annoying how perfect she looks.
Only one bed isn't ideal but I wasn't going to make her sleep on the floor and she insisted I didn't. So after another argument and me building a pillow fort between us I'd finally given in, I stare at her back as I watch her body moving in a steady rhythm, she has no problem falling asleep next to me.

If I wanted to I could kill her, surely she must know that sleeping next to me after everything puts her in a vulnerable position. Maybe she just doesn't care or maybe she knows what I know deep down, that even after her betraying me I'd probably not even be able to kill her. I remember I used to fantasise about killing her to keep her with me forever but that seems like so long ago, I don't think even death would unburden me from her.

I let out a breath whilst reaching forward trailing my fingertips along her back. How is her skin so smooth? How can someone so twisted be so beautiful.  The devil was a fallen angel, beauty is a disguise that can hide even the worst people. I have a lot of nerve comparing Alice to the devil, if she's the devil then what the heck am I?

I don't think I've ever had such strong feelings towards another person I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Everyone I've ever loved has ended up betraying me resulting in them ending up dead. Maybe this will be the same. Something I've come to the realisation of is I've never been good at being disappointed, if she disappoints me again I'll have to kill us both. I smile to myself not at the thought of us dying but at the fact that I've made my decision.

I'll go through with the plan.

The plan itself needs to be carried out to perfection, one wrong move even if it's tiny could completely result in failure. I don't care about my family thinking I'm dead, I know Annabella has always seen me as a monster she could see through the lies whereas my father always did have faith in me. However over the years that faith in me, I'd noticed was him being so consumed by making money and his work that he never opened his eyes to actually see me. I know they raised me but I'm not there's by blood, them loosing me as a poor victim rather then a serial monster will benefit them more. They'd never say it or even show it but it'll be a huge burden of there shoulders. In terms of friends any that I do have won't even be affected by my death.

Alice is different though. She's a national treasure I was just raised by a rich family. People will mourn her for years to come, this will massively affect not only the UK but the world, her success with cases and the way she presented herself even though it was false won many people over. She will be talked about and pitied, she admitted to me that she'd murdered her mother and she had mentioned abuse even if she acts like she doesn't care. Or maybe she just doesn't, but either way her childhood was definitely traumatic I have an inclination that family wise not many people will come forward to mourn her. Alice may be loved by so many but she's only known by one.

She's known by me. I've seen the Alice without the mask, I've also witnessed her with the mask nobody apart from me has seen that. I still don't know who she intends to set up and choose as the victims but whoever they are needs to fit in with all of this.
The victims need to be ghosts. What I mean by that is people who won't be missed by anyone, maybe the homeless would work? Knowing Alice that doesn't seem like her style, and in terms of the person we're going to set up it has to be someone who could be linked to the crimes but also seemingly with a reason to commit all these crimes.

" What are you thinking about?" Alice whispers breaking me away from my thoughts.

She's awake? I snatch my hand away from her back, she remains still her breathing as it was earlier. She seemed like she was sleeping.

" By the way you keep shuffling around, and doing that ticking thing with your tongue I assume your deep in thought. Tell me what your thinking about."

Ticking thing? I didn't even know I was doing that I sit up still startled by her.

" I'm thinking about the plan" I tell her.

She stops breathing for a second, she's still not facing me she remains completely still her back faced towards the wall.

" What about it?"

I fold my arms on my lap my mind racing wondering if I'm making the correct decision to stay with her. If I do does she want to be together? I'm still so unsure about how she even feels towards me. But if I go to prison I'll never find out.

" I'm staying. I'll go through with your plan, I don't know what this even means, I don't trust you but I also am not stupid to get myself thrown in jail with the amount of evidence and media attention surrounding this case. I'll never get out."

She says nothing but starts shuffling under the duvet turning herself around to face me. Her dark eyes glisten even in the dark and I can tell she's smiling as I can see her white teeth shining in the dark room.
She looks like an angel.

She reaches forward but stops herself dropping her hand back down under the duvet, I just stare at her wondering what's going on in that head of hers.

" I'm glad you decided to be with me"

" No. I decided to put myself first and avoid prison I never said I was going to be with you"

I watch as her smile falters but she doesn't shout at me or make a snappy comment she just continues to stare at me. I almost wish she'd snap at me, the intensity of her stare burns into me it takes everything in me not to just lean in and kiss her. But I have to show restraint, if she's aware how much power she has over me she'll use it to her advantage.

" Can I touch you?" She asks me.

I almost think I've dreamed what she just said, she's asking to touch me? Right now in this moment? My stomach swirls with butterflies but I ignore them. I need to be cold with her, I don't want to be but she needs to know that I'm not someone who can be walked all over. Even though I'd probably let her do that I can't show her weakness.

" I already had your body once. I got you out my system I don't want you again" I lash out at her, my voice bitter.

I see her face drop and her top lip quiver I ignore the complete bile in my throat as the words actually were hard to even say. To add flames to the fire I turn my body over and say to her " If we're not discussing plans then do not even speak to me".

A few seconds of complete silence go by I don't even hear her breathing just the noise of the fan above making whirring sounds.

" Understood. Goodnight Rosaline." Her voice is low and cold.

The mask is backup. I got maybe a few seconds of vulnerability from her but that's all it was. I know I may be being harsh but I just can't completely let myself go there with her not after everything. I've fucked her over before but everything I did was for her everything she's done was for herself, it's hard trusting someone who's only ever been looking out for themselves. I am not even sure she's capable of putting anyone first but herself. I won't pretend to be an angel but I'd have never fucked her over like she did with me.

Selfish people may try helping other people only to benefit from it more themselves but in turn will feel better because they've supposedly helped someone else out. I believe she's intending to help me but her made up reasons for it isn't because she feels for me, but for some fucked up reason she wants to proof to me that she does.

I want to be wrong about her, but I was wrong about Alice for years I won't fall for her games anymore.

Shutting my eyes I hear her mutter something but I can't make out what she said.

I guess we're partners now, partners in crime.

This will end two ways.

Successful.

Or an early grave.

For the both of us.