Keep Your Eyes Open

Once a Pessimist Always a Pessimist

The next few days were hard, trying to get used to not having hot showers and water on demand. Not having Wi-Fi. Luckily though, those last few days with Wi-Fi, we had someone update their newsfeed. It was one of my friends in America, we sent them a message, but whether or not they'll try and do something is unclear.

I remember sitting on the sofa, alone. Everyone else was in the kitchen, cooking over the small camping stove that we had managed to retrieve. Every couple of seconds, I would hear laughs ring out throughout the house. A few people had come to see if I was alright, I told them I was fine and that I just wanted to be alone. Truth is, I wasn't alright. I could slowly feel my heart breaking off piece by piece, when I woke up in the late morning, I would just roll over on to my other side and sleep some more. Harri had started to pick up on it, but I don't think it bothered him too much. I supposed he just thought I was tired, which was a fair assumption.

I remember staring at the wall in front of me, and trying desperately to remember what life was like before all this happened. I could only remember glimpses of it. It went silent in the kitchen, and I didn't notice the set of footsteps walking towards me. His hand was on my shoulder, and I kept staring forward. I could feel the sofa dip besides me as he sat down. He pulled me into a hug and I inhaled his scent, which brought back the memories that I was trying so desperately to remember just minutes before.

"What's wrong?" He whispered into my ear, "and don't tell me it's nothing because it's obviously something." I shook my head and started to cry. His arm squeezed my body close to his.

"I'm not okay," I choked. I cried into his body for God knows how long. "I'm going to die and I'm not going to have a normal life and I'm not okay with that." I inhaled; exhaled; shook furiously. "I feel horrible and I just don't get it." His arm was still wrapped protectively around my body, and his half-arm was resting on my shoulder.

"Taby, babe, look at me," I couldn't properly see him as I looked up through my glossy eyes. "It's going to be okay." I shook my head furiously, the stone in my throat travelling back down to my stomach. "Yes. Yes it is! Haven't you noticed? The zombies, we haven't seen them in over a week!" I tilt my head curiously, my tears slowing to a dribble.

"What?" I sat up and crossed my legs underneath me. "They haven't been seen? What do you think is happening?" My voice shook from anticipation and fear. Harri shrugged.

"Don't know really, but somehow the apocalypse is stopping..." The leaves on the trees had started to adopt a light brown shade. How long had it been going on for?

"How many months has it been?" I looked into his dull blue eyes. Ever since this apocalypse had begun, the colour had ever so slowly drained from his eyes. It had saddened me, and it definitely hadn't been helping with my recent mood.

"I-Uh," he paused, knitted his brow, and stayed silent. "Two? Maybe three?" My heart hits rock bottom, and sinks even further. "You've really forgotten how much time has passed haven't you?" I squeezed his hand and nodded slowly.

"You said that the apocalypse is stopping, have you heard anything from anyone?" My voice was shaky and unsure, a small flame of hope started to burn in the pits of my stomach.

"No. Not yet." The small flame was extinguished.

"Do you think we ever will?" I asked, trying to encourage that flame back to life.

"If you eliminate the impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth," his ghost-like smile was almost telling me to give up hope, but to keep thinking about the probability that someone else could be out there... Looking for us...

"Dinner's ready!" We heard Vaseva call from the kitchen, Harri's smile returns and he gets up, keeping remarkable balance, which reminded me of when he first had his arm off, and how difficult he found it.

"Come on, hold on, for me," he extended his hand for me and I took it, grasping it tightly. I will hold on, I will hold on to him because he is my life line. Without him, my whole world would be destroyed completely.

"I will," my smile reflected his as we walked solemnly to the dinner table. Vaseva was setting out the plates and Lennon the cutlery. I sat down in my usual place, which always made my skin crawl.

"Dig in guys!" Vaseva encouraged everyone, and we followed her encouragement without hesitation. I managed to choke down my food, but my stomach kept twisting into intricate knots which almost made the food come back up on multiple occasions.

Harri kept noticing this, and he nudged me ever so slightly and gave me this look of are you okay? But I shrugged each one of as if it was nothing, because it was. His sympathetic looks did nothing to phase my state of mind, I had already decided my view point on this apocalypse thing. Even if there was someone else out there, my parents and brother would still be dead. My entire life would still be disintegrated and nothing would ever be the same.

"Tabitha! I swear you keep drifting off!" Rhys commented, waving his hand in front of my face. If I thought I had it bad, I always disagreed with myself whenever I saw Rhys. He lost his girlfriend for God's sake. He doesn't even know if his sister was still alive.

"Yeah... Sorry, just tired I guess," I muttered, playing with my food.

"You slept in 'till one today Taby, that isn't normal," Vaseva said, watching me with an intensive glare. She seemed to be trying to help, but I just flipped. Tears began to free flow down my face, my body started shaking, and all I wanted to do was run away from everyone and everything. I fell off my chair and curled into a ball, weeping uncontrollably into my knees.

"Taby! Taby!" I heard over and over again, but I just couldn't respond. Eventually I felt someone lift me over their shoulder and carry me upstairs.

"It's okay babe, it's ok." The bed soon engulfed me in covers, and I felt Harri slip in beside me. He took me in his arm and whispered in my ear small things that would seem pointless to everyone else but meant the world to me.

After about thirty minutes or so, I eventually slowed my tears so a drizzle. Harri stayed there for the entire time, continuously stroking my arm and whispering to me. His legs folded against my legs, making sure that no part of me was completely exposed. When I had calmed down, I shuffled round to my face was nuzzled against his neck.

After another thirty minutes, I looked up at him and started to tell him how sorry I was, but I didn't get to speak for long, as he interrupted me with a kiss. A sweet one, a reassuring one.

"Come one, get into your pjs, we're going to go to bed early tonight."

Despite knowing that Harri would always be there for me, I had an undeniable hole in my stomach.

A/N-

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been on in so long. Apologies.

Don't hate me plz.