Keep Your Eyes Open

This is Goodbye

And that brings us up to now.

This is my personal recount of the apocalypse, that no one ever actually knew about. Germany supposedly just shut down and no one was to go in or out. I don't understand why they didn't tell everyone about the disaster, perhaps it's because of the circumstances in which it was created.

Those reading the end of my story must think it is a bit of a cop out. A crappy ending for what seems like an average story. But in all honesty, my story can't just end so simply as she lived a long life and then died surrounded by her family. It doesn't seem right to have that sort of ending for my story.

I wish me and Harri had that sort of ending, but then again I wish I had any sort of story that wasn't like this. It's useless now, me complaining about my life when it's soon about to end. I can't change it, nor can I change the problems that I have been burdened with.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

Ever since I stopped caring about finding the reason why the apocalypse started and I stopped searching for the ingredients of the antidote, I realised that I was either going to die or survive. I was either going to get out or die within the confines of the house. At the time, it seemed like they were both the same thing, it was all grey with no distinct black or white areas. And now, I realise that I was right. I either die sooner or later. It all ends the same way, the apocalypse was just a circumstance in which I found myself, and it held the possibility, hell even the opportunity to die. 

And even though I promised Harri we were going to get out, here I am. Alone, with both Harri and Rhys dead. If I had to change one thing, it would be to change the fact that they are dead. I would change their story endings to they died happily after a fulfilled life. And then maybe mine would be different too.

Which leads me to my next point.

Harri has been haunting me. Whether it is actually him, or just my mind breaking down I will never know. He's standing next to me as I write this letter. After I had discovered that I had strangled myself I knew I was never going to be fully OK ever again. I haven't harmed myself since then, but unlike a few weeks ago, the idea of harming myself has been growing in my mind. Harri has only made it stronger. Much like what Beth did to Rhys, he's been encouraging me to come with him. To just slip away into nothingness and to finally be free from all burdens known to man. Even Death wouldn't have to bother with me.

It has seemed so very inviting. And, after sleepless nights and days where I know I can't take it anymore, I am going to accept the invitation. I told Harri about my decision, and for once he smiled. If this decision lets me see him smile for all eternity, I am completely happy with it.

This is my note. Everyone has one, somehow. A text, a phone call, a letter.

Mine is a story. My story.

Reading back on it now, it seems so impossible. It fills me with a type of satisfaction. I survived it, but now I must leave it. This story is my only story. A shorter one than most, but one filled with so many different emotions to last a lifetime.

It is, however, my time to finish this. Not a fairy tale ending, nor a joyful ending either. But, in some twisted ways, a happy one. My life at the moment is not the best, however it is not the worst either. Yet, I know I'll be happier somewhere else. I already feel so numb and mindless that I'm practically halfway there.

My glock, somehow still with me, is sitting beside me. I don't want to do it any other way. Call me a twisted person, but I've decided I want to go the same way as Harri. A bullet to the head.

There is a note on top of the rest of the story for those who found me. Telling them to skip to this page if they want to read my letter. Because, why would someone want to read a story and then have the main character die at the end?

But that's real life.

The glock is loaded and all ready. It is so cold, but so inviting.

I hope you enjoyed my story. Because I sure wish I had a different one. But I can't change that.

And now, it all finishes.

This is my final farewell. I wish everyone the happiest of lives.

Goodbye.