Tiny Dancer [on hold]

Beauty Boutique Bonding

"ARGH, the nerve of that man. I mean, one thing goes wrong, and he's on a warpath. I mean, doesn't know who I am? No, no. No, Ray, you know exactly who I am!"

"Go off sis," I say as I sit next to Klaus doing a puff pass cigarette with him and a bottle of wine in my hand. Grace was sitting in the back with her book and Benji was asleep on the couch in the back as well.

"I'm protecting him!"

"From what?"

"The end of the world for one."

"Is the word really going to end in six days?"

"Probably," I mumbled taking a sip from the wine bottle.

"Hey, wouldn't it be weird if Five grew up all hot?"

I stared at Klaus with a concerned look on my face.

" EW."

"Klaus what the fuck?"

"Oh eww Please, Miss "Luther was my lover". And don't even get me started on this one," Klaus said getting up and dramatically pointing at me,"my god, you could hear this one and Diego fucking all night long."

I blushed and took a long chug of my wine and Allison protested about her and Luther,"Come on Ali cat! Don't deny it! Also on the Five being hot thing, I feel like he would seem like a combo of John Mulaney and Jake Gyllenhaal, you know?"

It was a moment of silence and Klaus hollered," oh my god YES. I totally see it!"

"John Mulaney for personality and Jake Gyllenhaal for how he looks like a fucking psychopath."

The two just nodded agreeing with me, then Vanya spoke up," Aren't we all brothers and sisters?"

" Ugh, technically-"

""Technically"? If you have to word... use the word "technically," you're already in trouble."

I scrunched my nose up," god Vanya, you can't say that. You make me regret everything that happened last-"

There was a gasp, Allison and Klaus looked at me with their eyes wide open, I realize what I just said and I clapped a hand over my mouth.

"No, no nothing happened last night, what's last night? Guys come on let's try and save Allison's marriage."

"No no because that's like- that's like asking a nun how to hump someone's leg,"Klaus said standing up,"I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one? In secret love with some farm Frau."

"Her name's Sissy,"Vanya said defensively.

"Which is an improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer."

"What," Vanya said looking at me shocked and confused, and I mouthed 'later'.

"Meanwhile, I'm carrying a torch, for a soldier I haven't technically met yet. And my twin sister is over here fucking her brother whom she hasn't fucked in the past 21 years or so, and Luther is in love with his sister."

"Okay, again, we are not biological,"said Allison looking annoyed.

"Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin."

"I liked Delores, she was cool,"I said sipping my wine bottle.

"The only thing the Umbrella Academy knows about love is how to screw it up."

I raised my bottle and took a sip,"here, here."

" How do you guys deal with this?"we look at Vanya confused,"I mean, all of it. The time travel, seeing the dead, the end of the world?"

"Well I get really high. Allison, Allison lies to herself," Allison kicks over a stool on wheels at Klaus' direction who squeals then continues talking,"Naomi keeps her sadness bottled up inside her and lashes her anger out at people and vines, see? HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME?!"

"THAT'S MY OPINION!" I yell out automatically, and everyone looks at me.

"And you dearest Vanya, suppress all your emotions deep, deep down until you blow shit up."

"Yeah, I'd really like to not do that anymore," Vanya looking upset.

"Well, you've got six days, missy,"Klaus and I say at the same time, high-fiving but missing.

"What the hell are we supposed to do with six days?"

I let out a groan as I stretch,"I don't know about you but these stockings are driving me insane, so bye bye stockings!"

I peel off my stockings and rest my foot on Klaus' shoulder,"we could party!"

"I'm going to tell Sissy I love her,"Vanya said in a confident tone,"I don't want any secrets."

"Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yes, 'cause, you know, if... if it's all gonna go tits-up, the least I could do is be honest with my husband."

"I guess I have to tell my friends who sheltered me and kept Grace and Benji safe, the truth too."

We looked at Klaus and he groaned out,"does that mean I have to face my cult? I just hate group breakups. It's why I stopped dating twins!"

"This family's amazing," Vanya said with a smile on her face.

We all looked at each other and began cackling and stumbled into a group hug,"yeah sure."

"Come here Vanya," we said in a singing tone.

I whistled getting Grace's attention and said,"Gracie, come join the group hug."

A great big grin appears on her face as she puts her book down and runs into the group hug suddenly Sam Cooke's, 'Twistin' the Night Away' starts playing and Allison let out a gasp,"I love this song!"

I was twirled around in Klaus's arms and we broke out into our Pulp fiction dance routine and the four of us just dancing and fooling around in Allison's beauty boutique. That's how it was for the rest of the afternoon, the four of us drinking and bonding and once Benji was awake we kept him entertained while also entertaining each other. It was night time we have all sobered up by now or a little tipsy when we decided it was time to go fulfill the promise we said we would complete. Vanya went her own way while I gave Klaus a hug before walking with Allison. Sure people gave us a weird looks but I returned them back to them I had to go the opposite direction, I gave Allison a tight hug wishing her luck. Once I got home and Benji was in his crib and Grace was getting ready for bed, I picked up the phone and shakily dialed Pam's number.

"Hello?"

"It's Naomi, get everyone to my house; I'm going to explain everything."