heart racer ; xiao

• the semi finals

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. I eventually did after 2 hours of tossing and turning. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened.

His words kept ringing in my mind, being a reminder of what was just ruined and I reminder for myself what people really think of me.

'You're the one who's stuck in the past about a dumb accident!' Is it obvious? Do people really see that of me? But why?

Isn't it normal for people to walk away from something that scared them, nearly killing them? Was I just a quitter?

Why did I even get back into racing in the first place. It should've died in the past and stayed there. No resurrection, yet here I am.

The idea that people think of me like that was eating away at my confidence. Every wall and barrier I had built was being knocked down, piece by piece. He took the first shot, what followed after was the downfall.

Do I even want to participate anymore? Do I even feel I need to show them anything anymore? Do I need to prove something to him anymore? It doesn't matter after it's over.

It was now 8 AM and I've been up for the last 2 hours with nothing but the decaying thoughts in my mind. Hu Tao and Nala were still asleep, so I took this as an opportunity to go out and get breakfast for us.

I just need to get out and clear my mind on the road.

I made my way to my car and hopped inside. I decided to shoot over to the bagel shop and get us some bagels.

I rolled my windows down and had the music playing. Currently it was playing After Dark by Mr. Kitty. Hu Tao actually suggested this to me and I've been obsessed ever since.

In all honesty, I loved driving. I was hesitant a lot, yes, but there was nothing more that I enjoyed in my life. I wasn't stuck on the accident! He's just pulling shit out of thin air.

Asshole men, what gets any worse than that. I laughed at the thought.

I pulled into the parking lot and made my way inside. It was an in and out mission; 12 bagels with a container of strawberry cream cheese and leave.

It was maybe 5 minutes, considering I was early to the place so I was among the first few inside for morning bagels. Fresh bagels are the best!

I made my way back to the apartment and walled inside the living room holding the bag of bagels. Hu Tao and Nala were still sleeping, until I pulled a bagel out.

They shot awake immediately. What in gods name?

They lunged at me for the bagel, Hu Tao taking s claim to eat and eating it almost immediately.

"God damn, you guys are savages!" I backed away slowly with the bag of bagels. They were eyeing the bag, sneaking up like predator to a prey.

"Hold your horses! I'll get you a damn bagel! Back! Back I say!" I was swatting at the two of them with my leg and hand, keeping the bagels safe.

"BAGEL! NOW!" Hu Tao was growling like an animal. What happened to my friends and who or what did it to them?

I took a bagel out of the bag and started moving it across in front of me with my hand. Their eyes and heads followed the bagel like dogs.

"You want the bagel?" I asked the two dogs I apparently now had. They both nodded their heads rigorously. "Then go get it" I threw the bagel across the room and they were both fighting each other for the damn thing.

I laughed at the silly antics of my two friends. I know this is their way of cheering me up and I really appreciate it.

They came back into the room, a pouting Hu Tao and a happy Nala. "Well good morning to you both." I broke the silence, grabbing plates and utensils for my friends.