heart racer ; xiao

• the following events

My senses all came back to my body as I gradually woke up slowly to the light from outside hitting my eye just perfectly. I couldn't ignore it and took it as my sign to get up finally. I checked for my clock for the time and read 9:28 am. Not too late, but I definitely could use more sleep.

Realization also hit me when I felt in the space next to me a shadow of someone who is not there anymore. I turned over and noticed nobody in the bed next to me. My nerves spiked when I remembered who was here last night but got a little disappointed thinking he left.

I rubbed my face, trying to shake of the exhaustion from my 7 hours of sleep, which is never enough for me. I slid off my bed making my way towards the kitchen, grabbing a sweater from my room in the process and slid it on.

A part of me really wanted to see him in my living room or kitchen, but a part of me didn't want to see him to avoid the conversation that has to follow. I'm not one to talk about how I feel straightforward and I feel awkward just even bringing it up.

I peered into the living room first, noticing nobody was occupying the room. I sort of sighed, disappointed to not see him but relieved. I felt my stomach drop when I heard something from the kitchen area, which coincidentally was right behind me. I turned around slowly and now made eye contact with Xiao, who was standing in my kitchen at the counter.

"About time." He turned his phone off and placed it on the counter, the same apathetic expression he always wore. I crossed my arms as I made my way over to my kitchen and took a seat at one of my chairs. He watched as I made my way over, continuing to stand where he was.

"Yeah, yeah," I rolled my eyes at his comment, "I'm not one for getting up early." I was now resting my chin on my hand, supported by the table beneath my elbow. He hummed in response and made his way over to the table, sitting in the chair next to me.

Silence fell for a moment as he took his seat and I don't know if I wanted to say anything or have him. But I know him and I know he isn't going to say anything at all, so I deemed myself the one to speak up.

I'm not sure where this conversation is going to go, but hopefully it rolls over well with him. He kept his eyes on me while I was thinking about what to say. I wonder if he could see all the cogs turning in my mind right now.

I swallowed back all my doubt and decided to speak up. "So, about last night." This caught his attention now, noticing his eyes widening for a moment before going back to his normal expression. "Can we talk about that?" I felt my stomach sinking lower and lower in my body, threatening to drop out of my ass.

He hummed once again, signaling for me to continue my conversation. He clearly wanted to have this talk as well, to discuss what we are moving forward from this. I mean, was it all a one time thing? Was it just one hook up and that was it for us? But it couldn't be if he's still here. He would've left before I even got up if it was nothing.

I might be overthinking the whole thing. I always overthink situations like this, but who can help it? I don't know how I feel about last night, but I definitely know I don't want it to be the end of what we have. If there even is anything. I swallowed again, my throat feeling dry from the nerves. I hate talking about how I feel..

"What are we.. moving forward?" I decided to be straightforward instead of going into stupid details, going around the original main question. He looked like he was thinking now, the spotlight now on him. He could either ruin my world or make my entire week with the next words that will come out of his mouth.

Xiao looked perplexed by this question, thinking about it just as I was a few moments ago. "It's not what I want," he spoke up now, clearing the silence that filled the room, "but if I were to, I'd like this to go somewhere." He still wore his expression, never changing. I felt relief wash over me, now knowing how he felt about this.