"Never let an old flame burn you twice"
Sydney Janes was a normal teenager until she got behind the wheel one fateful night. She lost her parents in a bad crash, but found Tony Becker - Hollywood's infamous troublemaker. Seeing she was only a kid wh...
The day was less than warm. It wasn't necessarily something on a post card, but it was home.
After a day on the water, I returned home.
Chickens flapped around as I ascended the hill. Sydney and I wanted a farm and that's what we got, only we didn't do anything but feed them. They kept us company, and a white kitten plus one stray dog.
Life hasn't been ideal, but we managed.
Coral was a healthy baby and she was lively, looking like her mother.
I was proud that we made it this far. But not a day went by that I didn't think about life six months ago.
Lately, things had been eating at me. In my sleep. Whenever I closed my eyes.
Nothing specific happened to my relationship with Sydney. I proposed and we hardly celebrated that.
Things were catching up to us, and it certainly affected our whole beings.
The two of us had agreed shortly after arriving to France that if we began regretting the decision to keep the baby, we would take her away. Away from parents like us who didn't deserve such a precious gift.
Time and time again, we went over all that we had done. Not once did either of us say we regretted a thing.
While I was happy — and I know this is twisted— to have a partner just as wicked as myself in all the same ways, it was like looking in a mirror. Sydney was a constant reminder of what I'd done, there was no escaping it. I didn't hate her for it, though, or myself.
But it's time.
After a shower, I packed Coral's things in bags and started the car.
Sydney was out in the field, just standing on the cliff.
Coral rolled around on a blanket in the tall wheat grass, supervised by the lazy grey dog and the purring kitten perched on a small boulder.
Without saying a word, I walked up behind Sydney's back.
I let her just exist for a moment before putting my hand gently on her shoulder. When I did, she slowly turned to look at it.
Her eyes popped up and met mine.
I nodded and she knew.
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Knock. Knock. Knock.
I kissed Coral's head one last time, and then Sydney, and we ran.
As fast as we could, we hopped back in the small car and waited across the street.
My eyes brightened when I saw my kid brother Levi open his front door.
"Who's there?" I read Beau's lips, his partner.
They looked down and both gasped at the sight of a baby in a cradle on their front step.
I know it's not the most modern thing to do when adoption agencies exist, but I didn't want my baby in the system. Plus, Levi and Beau were trying for a child, so this was their miracle.
Sydney shed a tear, her head on my shoulder as we subtly watched the couple pick up the note I left.
"Let's get her inside," Beau suggested, stepping out of the way so Levi could enter with the baby and all her bags.
Once the door shut, I wiped my eyes and drove off just as it started to rain.
I hit on the windshield wipers and steered in the right direction for home - Nevada.
The note read:
By the time you're old enough to read this and understand, you'll probably know about all the things your mother and I did. You're going to know we're horrible people. It was selfish of us to bring you into this world knowing we're some sort of monsters, but we loved you before you were even born. There's nothing wrong with you, please don't grow up thinking that. And we did want you, so never feel like you were excluded or unloved. This is for the best. Words can't express how sorry we are for doing this but we know you're in good hands. They'll give you a life we couldn't have. Be better than us. Prove us wrong and make this all worth it. You are special, I can feel it. This may mean nothing to you but we love you. And we're sorry. And your mother says she knows you'll grow to hate that word "sorry" but she begs that you don't. Don't fall into that trap and self loathing like she did for a while. Forgive people and protect your peace. Please live a happy life where you're in control and surrounded by genuine people who will never lie to you and never even think about hurting you. Love you, mean it
"—You think we did the right thing?" Sydney asked me, staring out the window.
I gulped, navigating the streets.
The answer: no. We hadn't done the right thing since we met.
"It's better this way," I assured Sydney.
"When we get back, that's it," she noted.
Even though it's the truth, I didn't want to hear it.
"As soon as we show our faces, they'll get us. Are you ready for that?" Sydney asked me. Strangely, I am. I may not regret it but it's torture having to run and hide.
Levi didn't even know we were in France. I was going to tell him but thought it would be best that he didn't know since we were "on the run." I also just didn't want him to know his big brother was a killer.
I missed Hunter, Damian, and Coral already - the people I let down.
And I wasn't ready to part with Sydney, my fucking soulmate, the Harley Quinn to my Joker, the Love to me Joe, and — I don't have anymore references. I missed her already, too. Madly.
Going back to the U.S. was a death sentence but one we were prepared to face. I knew I'd see Sydney in Hell. And I'd find her in any lifetime because two people as fucked up as us are meant to be and are all each other has, and needs.
