PSYCHOSAPIEN

4

Chuck and Ellie walked together through the damp morning air.

"So," said Chuck. "Have you had time to reconsider?"

"Reconsider what?"

"Sten's rager tonight."

"Ugh. You asked me about that five minutes ago."

"And?"

"And?"

"Have you reconsidered your position?"

Ellie sighed. "Talking to you is like talking to a wall. Worse, actually. It's like talking to a toilet."

"Hey, toilets make interesting noises from time to time. Especially when I'm sitting on them."

He held out his fist for a fist-bump. Ellie ignored it.

"Come on, Ellie. I know you like Sten. And Sten obviously likes you back. What's the hold-up here, dog?"

"First of all, don't call me dog. Second of all, I already told you. We have a report due on Sunday."

"Pfft. I finished that weeks ago. The Practical and Ethical Implications of Gene-Splicing in the Modern Era."

"I'm not like you, Chuck. I can't just read fifty articles on gene-splicing, stick them all in a blender, throw in some convoluted ideas from some old sci fi movie and see what's left over at the end."

"Why not?"

"I'm more methodical than that. I believe in the 3 Ps."

"The 3 Ps?"

"Preparation, Planning and Perseverance."

"Aren't preparation and planning kind of the same thing?"

"Just let me write my report my own way."

"Okay, okay." Chuck looked doubtful. "Just don't come crying to me when you're 45 and you realise you missed out on all the quintessential hallmarks of the university experience. Namely, getting blind drunk and making out with a super-hot Icelandic warrior-god in said warrior-god's mum's guest bathroom."

At last they came to the cafeteria.

There were approximately 42 cafeterias on campus. A few good ones. A handful of 'okay' ones. Three terrible ones. And there was one really, truly awful one that literally served poison instead of coffee. But there was only one GREAT cafeteria. Where you could get good, hot, cheap coffee, freshly-baked muffins, $5 bags of chips and decent milkshake. And, Chuck and Ellie's personal favourite, something called 'the breakfast surprise', which was really just a handful of potato gems, two rashers of streaky bacon and a big old scoop of soggy scrambled egg, all lovingly presented in a small rectangular plastic container.

This bastion of culture, art and culinary magnifitude was known, simply, as 'Cafeteria'. Which was, confusingly, the same name as at least 16 of the other cafeterias on campus, including the place that sold the poison coffee.

Chuck and Ellie grabbed their breakfast surprises and took a seat near the window. It started to rain just as they sat down, a fine spray that seemed to appear on the outside of the glass like mist. Inside the cafeteria it was warm and stuffy, the rich buttery smell of freshly cooked pastry mingling with the bitter tang of coffee in the air.

Chuck dipped a potato gem in some soggy egg and popped it in his mouth.

"You know, I think I might be a little jealous of Sten."

"Why?" said Ellie. "His beautiful face? His incredible physique? The warmth and gentle compassion that belies his rugged physicality?"

"Hey, I have... stuff that belies other stuff."