Apple Doesn't Fall Far (Duskwood Fanfiction)

Chapter 11.

A/N: This was written a few days ago before episode 10 was released. However, after a certain point on Friday, I was so anxious for the release that I couldn't focus long enough to do my final read-through to edit out any mistakes. Now that I have finished the episode I am finally posting. Enjoy.
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Jake's P.O.V.

"I'm sorry, Jay. I wasn't thinking about Gracie." Lily says.
"Obviously!" I scoff.
As Lily walks away I turn my attention back to MC.
"Thank you." She says quietly.
"I didn't do it for you I did it for Grace."
"I know but still." She says.

As I turn to walk away I hear Dan apologizing to her for Lily's behavior. I need to find Gracie and make sure she's ok. When Lily started yelling I told her to go play with the other kids. I walk into the house and see all the kids in the living room playing video games. I motion for Gracie to come to me and she does.
"I'm sorry about that Gracie." I tell her.
"Who was that and why was she being so mean to mom?" She asks.
"That's your other aunt Lily. She and your mom have never really had a great relationship. Let's just say it started on the wrong foot. So it's going to take her a little more time to warm up to the idea of your mom being around again."
"Oh," She looks down at the ground and shifts nervously. "Does she hate me because of what mom did?"
"No, she doesn't hate you at all. You're not responsible for any of the decisions either of us has made. I hope you won't hold her comments earlier against her either. She tends to act without thinking."
"Ok." She says and goes back to playing video games.

After making sure Gracie was ok I decided I needed to take some time to compose myself before going back outside. After hiding in my room for a while I walk back outside to see everyone drinking and having a good time around the fire. I grab a drink and sit down between Lily and Jessy, across the fire from MC, far enough away that she can't hear me. I lean over to Lily.
"I know it's hard but we have a kid together and being a part of her life means at least being Civil with MC so please try to play nice." I whisper to her.
"Yeah, I know. All the anger from back then suddenly rushed back to me the moment I saw her and I just couldn't stop myself." She says.
"Yeah tell me about it. I completely blew up the first time I saw her on campus. Thank god Gracie had gone back to her dorm."
"I talked to her for a minute. She seems like a nice kid. She didn't seem to be mad at me for my outburst earlier." Lily says.

I see Hannah coming out of the house and I get up to grab another drink.
"I spent some time with your mini-me." She says coming over to get a drink herself.
"She's amazing isn't she?" I ask.
"She does seem petty great but her mother's pretty great too you know." She says.
"Yeah if you say so."
"So what about you two? Any plans of getting back together?" She asks making me roll my eyes.
"We were never together in the first place. It was just a one-night stand." I say trying to sound convincing.
"Yeah ok." She snorts. "Tell that to someone that didn't watch you almost drive yourself crazy for three years looking for her. Jake, you loved her and I know those kinds of feelings don't just go away."
"Hannah I'm incapable of having those feelings."
"Yeah yeah, that's what you said before you met her the first time too and we all watched you fall head over heels for her." She laughs. "I think if you're honest with yourself you're still in love with her."
"No, Hannah it's not going to happen so don't get your hopes up." I tell her as we walk back over to the group and sit down.

After several hours the last of the group had gone home and it's just MC and I. She tells me goodnight before getting up and going inside. I put out the fire and make my way into the house. I find it hard to focus on my walking and stumble a bit. Damn, it usually takes a lot more than that before I feel it. I start down the hall towards my room when I see Marabella coming out of the bathroom. As she goes to walk by me I grab her arm and force her to look at me. I'm not sure if it's the alcohol or what but the second our eyes meet I forget everything I was going to say. Fuck it, maybe Hannah was right. Maybe I do still love her. At that thought, I can't help but push her up against the wall and kiss her but to my surprise, she pushes me away.
"Oh come on, don't act like you don't want to kiss me." I mumble.
"What I want and what is right are two different things." She says back.
"What's so wrong. You said you weren't seeing anybody."
"No, I haven't been with anyone since that night. That's not the reason." She says.
I lean in close to her. "From what I remember you hadn't been with anyone before that either. I'm glad to know I'm the only one." While still holding her against the wall I lean down and start kissing down her neck. She lets out a sigh and gives in just for a moment before pushing me away again.
"It's not like it's anything we haven't done before." I tease. She slaps me and I back away surprised.
"You've had too much to drink and I'm not in the mood for this shit." She says as she pushes past me to her room.

***
I walk into the kitchen and see Marabella sitting at the table drinking coffee.
"Hey." I say walking over to the coffee pot to fix myself a cup.
"Hey."
"About last night, I wanted to apologize for my behavior. I'm truly sorry. I wasn't thi-" I start and she cuts me off.
"It's fine. I've already forgotten it happened." She says.
Seeing how unphased she is I can't help but wonder if she ever had feelings for me at all. "Did you ever truly love me? I ask.
"Why, does it even matter at this point? It's not like it's going to change anything." She says looking up from her coffee.
"No, but I would like to know if your feelings were real or if you were just playing me." I turn to face her and lean back against the counter.
"I could ask you the same thing." She shrugs.
"I'll tell you if you tell me." I say as I cross my arms over my chest.
"Yes, everything was real for me. I truly fell in love with you back then. I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. When I promised to run away with you I meant it. I never wanted to break that promise then those two pink lines showed up and... well, my life changed in an instant and what I wanted didn't matter anymore. I had a kid to protect and neither of us were important at that moment, she was." She looks up and we lock eyes. At that moment, I can tell she's being truthful.
"I understand why you did what you did. Hell, if I had known you were pregnant I would have probably insisted you do exactly that. Understanding what you did and knowing you did the right thing doesn't make it any easier for me. It doesn't suddenly make me trust you or love you. It doesn't magically bring those feelings back. When you left that day I didn't just lose you. When you disappeared you took my whole heart with you; you took every shred of trust I had left. When you disappeared you took away every hope I had for the future. When you left it broke me. I am incapable of having those feelings again but damn it MC I would be lying if I said I didn't feel something, I'm just not sure what. I'm afraid as I spend more time with you those feelings will just continue to grow and then I'll lose you, again. I can't go through that, not again. My heart can't take losing you a second time." I confess. I'm not sure if getting that off my chest makes me feel better or worse.
"You know, Jake, I never stopped loving you. That's the reason I haven't been with anyone since. At first, I couldn't even look at another man without feeling like I was betraying you. Then as Gracie started to get older I was constantly reminded of you. Every time I looked at her face I saw the man I loved so much. I just couldn't bring myself to be with anyone else because I knew it could never live up to what I felt with you. Being here with you is hell because my heart wants nothing more than for us to pick up where we left off 13 years ago but my head knows no matter what I do that can never happen. We can never go back to that." She sighs.
"MC, I just can't." I say.
"I know. So, where does all this leave us now?" She asks.
"I don't know."
Hearing her say those things should make me feel happy or angry or something but instead, it just confuses me even more.