I Saw You

Prologue

Have you ever felt so lost but not been able to do anything about it? It seems as if there's no way out of whatever hell hole life has dragged you into this time. No matter how hard you try, you can't escape the torture your own mind puts you through.

Everyone has someone that they tell everything to. Maybe not everything, but close to. That person for me is my best friend Evan. He had a pretty rough start, but somehow he keeps himself together. Evan and I are the same age, both 17. He is a couple months older than me, which he always uses against me when he wants something. I see him more as a brother than anything else. Evan has helped me more than he'll ever know. Even if he does something as little as paying for my water if I can't afford it at the cafeteria during the day. It may seem like a small gesture but it means the world to me.

Back home I have two older brothers, Maddox and Sam. Both I love dearly, but hate equally as much. Same goes for my mother. One of my brothers and my mother both struggle with similar issues, the other brother, he has another set of issues for another time. My father hasn't been in the picture for a while, and I would rather not talk about him right now.

Maddox and I have always been closer. I care about him the most. I know, it sounds bad that I can easily tell that I love my brother more than I do my own mother, the person who gave me life, but it's true. Ever since he asked me if I smoked weed and I said yes, we've been really close. That sort of jump started our relationship again. We were closer when we were young, but as we got older we started to drift. I tell him mostly everything. He gets to know all of the fun stories from when me and my friends were fucking around downtown or other shit we got into. He also gets to know when I need help talking to mom. He's the only one who really gets through to her. Evan still knows more about me though.

Evan once came over unannounced and witnessed one of the famous Roberts family fights. My mom has known him since we were in second grade so we just walk into each other's houses, not even bothering to knock. He walked in right as I finally got involved. If it's one of the fights where I got involved, it's bad. I had just walked down stairs and screamed at everyone to just shut the fuck up because I couldnt handle it anymore. I saw that he was in the doorway but I said what I needed to say anyways. It was kinda nice to have someone there for me after the fact. Just letting all of the tears go but having someone to help you through it. It was one of the worst ones. The police ended up being called and when they arrived, everyone acted as if everything was fine. Sure, my brother Sam put on an act and pretended to be all sad to get sympathy from my mom, and yes I may have just gone back to my room with Evan and pretended nothing happened till after to cops left. But after they did I just cried myself to sleep in his arms.

He also knows why I'm sometimes in school but not in class, or if I leave mid way through he doesn't ask questions about it when I see him next, which I'm grateful for.

Evan and his boyfriend Tyler are the absolute cutest. Tyler doesn't look like the type to be with Evan, but they make the most adorable couple. Tyler is a tough guy, but when it comes to his boyfriend, he would drop everything and anything to go see him if he needed him. Its fucking adorable. I love them together.

Ashley is my other best friend. We dont really talk about the dark shit, our friendship consists more of just doing dumb shit and hopeing we dont get caught. We do talk about dark shit sometimes, but it's more so just venting and then moving on. We let eachother know what's going wrong, and I know if I really needed to talk about my life, she'll be there to listen, and I'm here to listen when she needs someone to lean on. Her parents are really hard on her. They expect so much from such a young girl. They expect her to keep her grades up but never do anything out of line.

They're especially hard on her when it comes to smoking. We smoke a lot. Especially when our group gets together. Our group is much less of a group and really just a trio, but it's still our group. The third part of our group is Gina. Where one goes, one of the other two are close behind, if not both. Gina is moving about a month into this summer, and I already know that when she does, it'll break me and Ashley. She keeps everything fun. If we've been sitting around for too long, she'll suggest that we watch a movie or go downtown. I'm not sure what will happen when she moves, but all I know right now is that it doesn't feel like she's really moving.

Gina seems so happy on the outside. She's been struggling but she does talk to her counselor a lot. Ashley honestly looks like a depressed teenager, which she is, but when her personality shows, she is a whole different person. I honestly feel really bad for Anne. She's struggling with so much and I can't help her. I don't know what I can do to help.

I try to help other people before myself. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Maddie is the one person I will completely vent to. Just the other week I told her everything that was going wrong while sobbing in one of the school bathrooms. School isn't a very fun place for me if you couldn't tell. We all walk in having no idea what's going to happen that day and hope for the best. I'm not very good at hoping for the best. I don't hope for the worst but it's hard to not think about the worst when your mind is constantly living in fear.

I love my friends more than they'll ever know. I wish that there was a way to physically show them how much I care for them. But I can't.

The only person on the planet that I absolutely hate is fucking Andrew Hendrix. Also known as Tyler's best friend. God even his name makes me fucking infuriated. Any insult or rude remark that leaves his lips somehow strikes a nerve every single time. Nothing I do can stop it. No matter how hard I try to shoot back the nastiest thing my mind can come up with, nothing tops it. Most of the time I just ignore him, but sometimes it gets to the point where I just end up leaving. He just never knows when to stop.

He's around 6'1. He doesn't necessarily tower over me, but he's a head taller than me. He makes me so fucking infuriated and theres nothing I can do to get rid of him. He's not on any of the school's sports teams, but everyone still knows him. Everyone avoids him in the hallways. There's been many rumors about Andrew, but he's only gotten into maybe three fights at school. Considering that he's a senior and has only gotten into three fights his whole time in highschool, I don't see the point of all the fear. It seems pointless. People fear all of us in a way. Ashley, Gina, Maddie, Tyler, Evan, Andrew and I are all a group. We have two groups within that group, we typically are in the smaller ones and we mainly just text in our big group chat, but we do all get together sometimes. I think people are scared of us because they think we want to ruin them. We don't.

The only time I see Ashley or Gina be mean to someone is if they deserve it. I'm not even mean to people unless they deserve it. And trust me, if you fucked me over, you fucked up. If you do something to us we'll do it back. But people talk, words get mixed up, and suddenly I've thrown a girl into the lockers when all I did was bump into her in the hallway, making her fall over. I don't mind it though, I like that people are afraid of me. It gives them a reason for them to stay away from me, then I can just be. I hate talking to new people. I like to just stick to what I know, that being my group.

I'm not sure when our group formed but I think it was when I was first meeting Gina, she brought a lot of people into the group. But that was back in sixth grade. I miss when it was just Delilah and Ashley. I was different then. I want to go back to the old me. I just need someone to see me. 

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Im literally screaming im so excited for this fucking story.