A/N: As promised once we reached 1k reads. Thank you so much! So here it is!
This is a work of fiction, Alternate Universe (AU) so to speak in the language of “stanning and shipping couples”. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The photos that are used for visual representation do not by any and all means intend to infringe copyrights. Any editing or alterations of the photos for visuals will be indicated in the photo itself as part of the disclaimer.
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(Channels 999 until 2011)
Sean’s POV
It hurt.
Like hell.
The first few months, there were days that seemed like a blur and I don’t remember what happened. I know I have agreed to part ways with her in order for me to grow and I am trying to come to terms with the fact that we might not even be back in each other's arms in the future. No matter what I say or do, at the end of it all, we will part ways because Jamie, with all that she is, will rationalize the situation as much as she could.
I fought the idea of hating that side of her so hard. The “Whys”, “If only you could consider...”, “There are ways to keep us going and make this work...”, “I could stay, I will choose to stay.”, “You love me but why are you letting me go?” These things went through my head all throughout the time I was preparing to leave the country, even until I started the semester and the months after.
The idea of “You can come with me.” even crossed my mind but I can never ask her to do that because she has so much going on with her career and she will not uproot herself at that time, I’m sure of it. It will also be so unfair. That is why I had to live through it, the whole cycle of getting disappointed, frustrated, sad and lonely, angry at times, missing her to the point that I just wanted to book a flight home or even dial her number just to hear her voice. It went on for a while, longer than I hoped it would last.
But then I remembered the words she would usually utter in times of despair among other things, “Be honest about all your feelings and talk to someone if you can and muster your strength to adjust your perspective. Those feelings are part of who we are and what we will be, we just have to be honest about them and change our perspective. We don’t want to regret this and that because regret is what chains us and would keep us in the cycle of despair.”
She’s right though and I realized that I should live the way I ought to so that I could flourish.
It’s been more than two years since I held her face, hugged her, wiped her tears away while saying my goodbyes at the airport. The night we had the conversation and agreed that we slowly cut the threads that bind us was not our last day being together - which was a relief and I was so thankful for because I could never let go just like that.
We agreed that while I was still in the country, we will be there for each other but not as much as we used to, one day away from each other, two days, a week, two weeks, a month, until the very last day I am to leave for Germany.
I did not expect her to see me off at the airport because weeks leading up to my flight, we did not see each other nor talked on the phone. It was like conditioning ourselves of what is to come for who knows until when and if ever it would still be us at the end of this all.
Some wouldn’t agree with the way it ended because it was a prolonged agonizing separation but I’d have that anyday than end us abruptly. A minute or even a second with her will still be a good memory.
I cried like a child leaving behind his favorite people in the world while hugging them tightly. Jamie stayed there with my parents, until I lost sight of them.
