Fanfiction: Analysis and Review

Human Error: Chapter I - Black King, White Queen

Summary:

Narrated from Millie Shon's (the other OC) perspective in first person. Present tense is used.

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Millie and Sherlock are absorbed in an intense, brutal, and heated war, using their intellect, wit, and perceptive skill on what specific set of soldiers they need to send out to battle.

Otherwise known as the game "chess."

Sherlock ends up winning, so of course he gloats and rubs it in with the humility equivalent to that of Loki, the God of Mischief. His arrogance aside, Shem makes it seem humorous and sweet at the same time.

After the chess match, the chapter takes an aboutface for the dark and suspenseful side of literature.

Millie and Sherlock are preparing to leave, and Millie begins to help John tidy things up when John suddenly closes the door and surveying the room.

John confesses that he believes Sherlock is being followed, supplying questionable evidence in the process. He warns against confiding in Sherlock, and that is the end of the conversation.

Millie heads in search of Sherlock and discovers him clutching onto a wailing Addy.

Sherlock sings the elements of the Periodic Table to Addy until it successfully lulls her to sleep.

Sherlock and Millie are given a lift by John and Mary back to 221B Baker's street, and they pass through the rougher section of London — the part where the nightcrawlers come out to play. On their way, Mary makes a few snide comments about prostitution, and they pass a harlot.

Millie half-recognizes her, and ghosts of the past begin stirring up in her mind, but then she suppresses them and moves on, forgetting about the woman in red.

My Interpretation:

Sherlock and Millie are truly bonding. Before, we usually saw them simply helping each other out or working cases together, but these snippets of casual-day scenes are what truly make or break characters. In this particular case, this made them.

Sherlock and Millie's relationship is absolute perfection. Even if they don't develop into anything romantic, I love them together. They're incredibly compatible.

The chess match scene was hilarious.

And, my, the transitioning of moods and tone — I'll save that for that designated section.

John's warning about the stalker was fantastic foreshadowing.

I imagine that Addy will grow into a genius when she is older, having Sherlock hum the elements to her as she falls asleep.

That scene with Addy was delightful. The first time I read that chapter, I remember it made me smile affectionately at my screen, and it still enticed that reaction when I reread the chapter three times about an hour ago.

Mary... please... stop... you are making every reader cringe.

The prostitute seen is Emily, yes?

All in all, a spectacular way to end the chapter.

Quotes:

"'"Good God, it's turning purple-"'" (Around line 128, around paragraph 80, page 3 web version)

"'"Forget the king," says Sherlock, emphatically, standing up and catching the table corner with his hip.'" (Around line 58, around paragraph 36, page 2 web version)

"'I am silent, and the room is cold; water drips from the tap, a regular, metallic beat, and I swallow, deeply unsettled by the news John has just delivered.'" (Around line 102, around paragraph 60, page 3 web version)

Character Analysis:

Sherlock starts off as sociopathic as ever, but we see a note change about him when he sings to Addy (John and Mary's child in this AU story, see see The Art of Corruption, Chapter 68 - Empty Spaces, New Faces for reference.) The fact he stayed and tended to the baby's wails shows he's changed, but not too much.

John's paranoia and "scanning the surroundings with an air of furtive secrecy" may be a sign from the time he spent in the military. Frequently authors don't really address Sherlock and John's backgrounds before they met, so this was nice to see.

Millie, the usually empathetic and understanding one in the story, did not sympathize with the homeless people or the prostitute she saw as they embarked on their journey home. Millie can be cold at times, and this is one prevalent example of that. Also, we see her competitive and irritated, which is amusing and intriguing to see. Most of the other readers I've seen seem to picture Millie as the sweet and innocent one while Emily is the dark and angry one — but that is not the case.

Mary is apparently ignorant and rude, much to the dismay of anyone who is a tumblr blogger.

Plot Furtherance:

Ah... the suspense...

The intro was peaceful, sweet, and amusing.

But the transition I am yet to address lead us to a golden apple:

Sherlock might have a stalker. Who is it? Why are they stalking Sherlock? Does it have anything to do with Mr. James Moriarty? The questions are endless, leaving readers craving for more information.

As for Emily — what is coming for her? What is coming from her...?

The subtleties in this chapter are excellent.

General Description:

The writing quality of this is nearly professional.

I could imagine every single scene in my head as if the story had been turned into an eloquent movie or painting.

The way it was written triggered neurological responses in me, making me believe I could feel the room drop in degrees and hear the tapping of the water dripping in the distance.

10/10 once again.

Description is definitely one of Shem's strong points in writing, and I truly enjoy reading it.

Tone and Mood:

The tone had a clear curve.

The chapter started off as light-hearted and funny, and it created the temporary illusion of peace and normalcy...

But then there came a transition.

Within a single paragraph, the tone of the chapter turned from cheerful and good-humored to suspenseful and chilly. And then it transfers back to sweetness and joy for a short while before it ended on a faintly ominous and worrying notion.

All packed into the first chapter.

Hm...

Now just what are we getting into, folks?

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(The song I chose is Yellow Flicker Beat by Lorde because it is ominous and cheerful at the same time.)

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I hope you enjoyed the reading.

I apologize for the how late in the day this is (10:09 Pacific Meridian on Thursday for me.) I was rather busy today.

Also, you are welcome to comment what you thought, what I should fix, add in reviews, and feel free to PM me for requests. Thanks! 

Happy Thursday, everyone.

See you Saturday.